It's been awhile

I realized today just how long it has been since I have posted anything. I have no idea where to begin.

My life is still crazy and it seems every time I take one step forward I get pushed two steps back.
The lawyer I chose I seem to have lost faith in. When I went at the beginning of the month to start the divorce he didn't even have the papers. Said he forgot them at his main office. So just this past Wednesday I finally signed them. But not before I found out that "the other woman" has to sign a affidavit that is notarized and a copy of her drivers licence. This was all not told to me during the consultation. I am hoping this woman does sign and I can be divorced.

With the papers in process LR seems to be sniffing around a little more often. In one week he stopped by without calling 3 times. Claims he is dropping off my mail. There are two things wrong with this. First its all junk mail. Second he never did this before, my daughter always brought it home after visits with him. So what the fuck is the deal here? During one of the stops he grabbed me and hugged me and then really quick kissed me. Ewhhh I am sure the girlfriend would not approve. By the way I never let him in and he stands at the door on the outside. ha ha ha ha.

As for my love life. I am still single and alone. However this past Friday I ran into some people I knew when LR and I had our Harley. Well there was this guy there who said I could ride with him. So we all went for a ride and hit a couple places for a drink. It was fun but this guy is now interested in me. I told him flat out I am not looking for a relationship and I thought we were cool. So Saturday we did the same thing all took a ride and had a great time. There was a huge group of us. Now this guy is just like a leech so I have to now lose him. I just don't get men. Is it a since of a challenge when I say I dont want anything but to be friends?

Work sucks like always but I am happy to have a job. My daughter has been wonderful and now the school year is almost over and I have to find activities to keep her busy so that is my goal for this week.

Happy memorial day to everyone.

Sense of accomplishment

Well today is Tuesday and I feel like I have accomplished allot. I am ready to see my lawyer tomorrow and all my paper work is completed for the bankruptcy. Its more like I book I might add. Took me hours to do. That doesn't include the online 30 minute class I had to take. That was a joke. It went thru CCCS which is consumer credit counselors. I had to pay to do that. $50.00. I thought that was all non profit and free. I had to do it for the courts tho so I guess there is my answer. Also while I am there I get to sign my divorce papers. Whew that is coming to a end finally. Cant believe it. My life is moving forward. Finally!

I havent been sleeping and I dont really know why. Things to be going so well right now but yet I cant sleep like I use to. I hope this phase ends soon.

Nothing to speak of in the world of men. I have none and no interest at the moment. I do feel like I am ready to date. Not settle down but date. It would be great to have someone to do things with and a little romantic envolvlement. I guess that comes with time.

Unexpected Feelings

So its Sunday and I am just chilling out today. I have had a nice weekend doing what I have missed the most. Cooking and hanging out with my daughter and her friend. We went to dinner and a movie last night. Saw 17 again and was amazed that it was a really good movie. I thought it was going to be the same old thing, but it wasn't. What I mean by doing what I missed the most is when I was married I would wake up every weekend and cook for my family and do the domesticated things. Like clean, cook, pick up friends for my daughter and just be a family. I have really missed that. Now I am having to drop her off with her father and you really cant cook big meals for just the two of us. Having her friend over this weekend just bought all those feelings back. I love it. I have to do more of that. I hate divorce for this reason it takes the family aspect away. But I am happy he is gone and all that bullshit towards the end that he bought with him.

Feeling #2 that was unexpected...I went to the lawyer Wednesday and had him draw up the paper work and went over what was to be in the agreement. When I walked out I felt empty. I am 34 almost 35 and I have been married more than half of my life. I walked out feeling a part of my identity is gone. Don't get me wrong I want this but I have also always been known for being married to LR. Now that part of me is gone and I have to find a new identity. Does anyone out there understand this????? I didn't expect to feel this way. The emptiness the sense of being alone and trying to become a new person. Its crazy.....one part of me is happy the other is confused. Don't get me wrong I dont want him back he bought to much drama with him. But I am now having identity issues.

I did the right thing I believe this weekend by just having fun with my daughter and not hanging out with my friends. It helps being around her and reafirming to me what is important. I love her friends and I love watching her have fun and be a kid. Mind you I dont think they slept but thats the fun part at there age. She is awesome and made honor roll again and also another award. She amazes me that she is doing better than ever in school while her parents fell apart. High 5 to her.

This Wednesday I say the divorce papers and then they get mailed to LR to sign. Within 3 months this will all be official.

Whew its been awhile

I understand it has been awhile since I have posted anything but my life seems to have become a little bit crazier. Not in a bad way this time. Just seems I don't have enough time in my day anymore. I kinda like it. It keeps me busy and my mind off of all of the bullshit in my life.

For instance, Friday was my 3 month check up. I show up of course your standard 10 minutes early in the hopes you can get in and get out early. Oh NO! the doctor was a hour late. This is not the norm for my doctor. But the one time I had plans he was behind. I wanted to get my oil changed and I knew the cable guy was coming. So I had to skip the oil change. So that is back on the to do list. Damn it!

Saturday I went to the race track and enjoyed myself. Caught some rays and caught up with some friends. Our buddy came in second place so I was happy to be cheering him on. Then my girlfriend called and said she found a sitter and did I want to meet up with her. So I ran from the track when that was completed to meet her. Ended up seeing old friends and staying out later than I should have. The Coors light guy seems to be a little afraid of me it seems. I am way more outgoing than he is.

Sunday was my day from hell. I mean that literally. My apartment was a fucking hot box. The a/c was not working and the skylights my landlord installed made it that much worse. So I was miserable so was my daughter and we got no sleep. Which made Monday horrible. Everyone hates Mondays anyway and now we are sleep deprived on top of it. This is the topper my computer took a shit on me to. So no computer for me. EWHHHH what a day.

So Monday I called the landlord and complained big time. He assured me he would bring me a new unit. We also had to go out to eat because lord knows I cant eat in the heat and I wasn't about to use the stove and make it worse.

Today I came home and landlord was here putting in new a/c and my cousin was right behind him. My cousin is a computer genius. But he said he couldn't fix this. My computer was old and needs updated I realize that. But how am I going to pay for it? My kid needs it for school and I need it for the usual stuff. So my step-mom came to my rescue again. Here I am with some a/c and a new computer. Whoo hooo

I can say things seem to be going in the right direction for me. I am very grateful for how far I have come. I am doing things on my own with a little help here and there but the one thing I have learned you don't need to hang onto that desire to have that someone in your life. Either a man or a woman. You need to find out who you are and that you can make it on your own.
I realize LR truly was holding me back in so many ways with his addictions. However I am starting to see that I maybe one of them. More about that at a later time. He is sniffing around again.

Cheers to all.

Its my Friday

Whooo hoo today is my Friday. However not for any fun reasons. Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment, its my 3 month check up for my nether regions. Ughhh, yep its that time again. So I am not really looking forward to that. But its suppose to be beautiful out and I will also get my oil change and other errands. So I will make it a good day. Maybe clean the truck.

Today LR called and was telling me he got a job. I scratch my head and think why are you telling me this????? He was telling me where it was and how we know the owners brother blah blah blah. I mean I am happy he got a job is no longer a complete piece of shit anymore and this will mean more money for my daughter. But I just cant figure out why he would just a couple hours after the interview. Then my aunt said well duh....he will now try and get you back. LIKE FUCK! that will never happen. She maybe right because he has just been way to nice and willing to do whatever for me. This is his pattern and I gave in before. I am not sure I even want to be his friend. Who the fuck knows. I will be nice and try to grow up a little bit instead of being bitter. Does piss me off that everything is working out for him after how much of a piece of shit he has been.

Any who I am happy and things seem to be going well all except for the money issues. But I am happy and am really looking forward to going to the track and watching the race cars and hangin with my friends. Hope I will get a tan at the same time.

I will hopefully be able o blog more soon and change the vibe a little bit. Have to let me know what you think about that.

Cheers!

Catch up time.

I just realized it has been almost a week since I have posted anything. Lets see how good I am at catching up on the recent events.

First off LR's mom called and stated she wanted my daughter on Saturday. Now mind you she is moving in the middle of May so this could be one of the last times she spends time with her before she moves. So of course I say yes but I do ask her if she is certain because I knew there were allot of bike runs and she has a bike. She assured me yes. So I made plans. Low and behold she backs out but before she did she called LR to see if he could watch her. This pissed me off because I dont want to involve him anymore than I need to. But he did it. LR's mom then picked her up from him on Sunday morning for my nephews birthday party. This was a good thing later on for me. So my daughter did end up having a good weekend in the end.

Friday evening my daughter and I went to a friends house and hung out and enjoyed the weather. Saturday of course I dropped her with LR due to his mother backing out. I then headed for my car poker run. OH MY GOD was that a blast. I rode with this older guy R who has turned out to be a really good friend he had a 57 chevy bel air that is bad ass. Had it going over 100 mph at one point. I loved it!!! Got drunk of course because that is allot of bar hoping and good times. At the last stop which is of course right by my house my best g-friend came and hung out with us all. I wasnt driving so I lived it up. It was also beautiful out. When we showed up at the last stop a guy I have had my eye on was in there. I think I spoke about him in a past post. I call him Miller light guy. Well he had a seat open next to him so me and my friend chatted him up the whole night. I dont know what it is because he really is no where near my type. But maybe that is what I need. He has a great job, is a little older and really has it together. He is clean cut so he may not like me because of my tattoos and the fact that I love harleys. Who in the hell knows. He has a daughter my kids age and one that is younger. Who knows what will happen. Im not really pressed about a man at this point in the game

In the end I had a great weekend. However...I got fucking sick as a dog Sunday afternoon with the vomiting and other end. It lasted thru yesterday so I missed work and I still feel like I got hit by a truck. It sucks ass. Karma got me for some reason.

Today I called the lawyer and am drawing up the divorce papers next Wednesday and I cant wait. Wish me luck.

Cheers!

And the attitude begins..

The last time LR and I split up 3 years ago he was getting our daughter every other weekend. She also had major attitude problems. This time as you all know he didnt see her until just these past two weekends for any over night visits. She was fine, no attitudes, no head butting between the two of us and her grades were perfect. Well low and behold I have begun to see the attitude again. You know the eye rolls and the hollering at me when I say something to her. I cant stand it. I tell her to watch herself and tell her to just listen to how she is speaking to me and that I am her mother not a dog or one of her classmates. It just gets worse. I have come to realize that duh its because she is seeing asshat again. Its obvious that he is saying stuff to her because of the comments she is saying to me. For example..."I dont know why you dont like her she is only 9 years older than him she isnt old" where in the hell did that come from? I didnt say that to her so he must have said that. I also got "whats your problem mom you are depressed and need Prozac" Ok come on now that is totally him. She has no clue what that stuff is. He thinks I am depressed because now when he sees me I dont speak a word I have been biting my tongue so I dont piss him off so he just signs the divorce papers when we get them drawn up.

Really I have been happy since I have moved into my new apartment. Just because its mine and its a new start. I have more friends now and am doing things. I am fine. Yes there is stress but my whole life had been stressful. But I am happier without him and his drinking and all the cheating he has done. I am better off without him.

Because of this...which the attitude really got bad Monday when he dropped her off. I have had major stomach pains. About 5 years ago this started when I was really stressed over some family stuff. It got so bad that I would vomit. (I know gross) Its back again. I havent gotten sick yet but the pain is awful. I need to find a way to de-stress. Need some warm weather and a beach. I hate him for changing my wonderful daughter. I wish I could stop the affect he has on her.

I just want to go home and relax and play games with my kid and hope there is no attitude tonight. I am looking forward to this poker run on Saturday. The weather should be perfect and I will be with great friends. Hopefully the pain with go away with some relaxation.

Any advice out there would be appreciated.

Cheers

Easter Weekend

Ahhh thank goodness its the start of a fresh week. I tend to hate holidays since I lost my parents and now that I have to split the days with LR I am really hating them. Dont get me wrong I am not sitting around boo whooing its just a little hard. My parents have been gone for awhile so I am use to that. I just miss out when everyone talks about going to there parents blah blah blah.

With that being said Friday night was allot of fun when I met up with my old co-worker and caught up with her. After that I met up with my two other girlfriends and continued happy hour at the local spot that I could walk to and be safe. It was blast. Did a shot that I swore I would never do but it was all good. Did not see or hear from P guess me telling him this was all wrong for me to see him worked. I will miss him though.

Saturday morning I picked up my daughter from LR and we went to my friends house and dyed easter eggs with her and her daughter and then ordered pizza and chilled out. Sunday or course was Easter so we went to my step-mothers and had a early dinner with her and her family. Then it was time for me to have her to her father. BLAH I fuckin hate dropping her off on holidays. Especially to him and his girlfriend where they can play house and act like they are good people. Its all a damn act and it makes me sick. Once I dropped her off I went home and just moped around.

I ended up watching Marley & me and balling my damn eyes out at the end. Good movie but damn did I cry. I needed a good cry. I truly believe its good for us. Emotionally clense as I call it. Would love to hear if others cried over it.

Now its the start of a new week and my step-mom on Easter gave me the money for a lawyer so now I have to get my ass in gear and get this divorce started. Man I cant wait.

My cousin just sent me a text asking what I thought of him going over to a girls house that he just met on Myspace. What the hell people? Are you fucking crazy. I told him he will end up like that guy in Misery. He cant afford to have his legs broke after the heart surgery he just had. Come on man meet her on neutral ground at first. God I hope he listens to me.

Cheers on that note.

So far, so good

LR actually took our daughter again. I am not sure if he is trying to make himself look good to the old hag or if he truly is trying to get better. Either way I think my daughter is happy she is seeing her father again and to me that is all that matters. He picked her up yesterday while I was at work and he will drop her off again on Saturday.

Since my daughter was gone I got some Easter shopping done for her. Damn! things have gotten expensive. But at least that is finished all except for the god damn Peeps. That is the only junk candy my daughter asked for and they are sold out at the Walmart so today I am on a mission to find them.

After that I went and spent some time on my friends porch drinking a couple beers and enjoying the evening. Its nice to have girl talk and have her little 2 year old paint my nails. Damn they look like hell didnt have time to take the polish off this morning. LOL. Then P called and I went to go meet him. Ahhh a friend with benefits. However I may have to kick him to the curb because I think I am growing out of this faze and wanting a real relationship. Could this mean my man hating era is over?

Tonight I am meeting a old friend for a early dinner and to catch up. We havent seen each other in years so this will be great. After that I am meeting a couple girls again for happy hour and then lord knows what P may come in and join us.

All in all its been a pretty great week. I am smiling again.
Cheers

Child support hearing & good weekend

Its been awhile since I have posted but I have been crazy busy. Lets see where to begin....

Ok the weekend. Well LR got my daughter Thursday and Friday night. I was kinda lost because I am so use to having her around. I was also filled with all kinds of emotions. I went from anger to happiness. The anger is a typical mother response not wanting her offspring around another woman who seems to be playing house with my ex and daughter. I lived near this woman and I know she hates kids basically and she is putting on a hell of show for my ex. The happiness was because I know my daughter missed her father no matter how much of a asshat he has been to her she wanted to see him.

So Thursday evening I rode on the back of my friends J's bike who is like a father figure to me and had a nice night meeting up with some of our friends. Friday night was me and my two girls friends meeting for happy hour. Saturday morning I worked and LR dropped off my daughter because he had to go to bar for a bike show. Not a big deal I had a cookout to go to and my daughter was more than welcome there. We were home early and watched movies. Sunday LR picked her back up for the day and I rode with J during the day with a bunch of others and hit some local hot spots and hung out and chatted. P called later and met up with us. I sure missed him because he always makes me laugh. I thought LR was going to keep my daughter and so did P as he was planning on staying the night so we could be "alone" but LR dropped her off.

Monday my daughter was sick so I stayed home from work. That afternoon LR started texting me asking me not to take him to social services the next day for our appointment for child support. That he wanted to start paying and not have to deal with them. What the fuck why wait until the day before???? So I said no and we went for the appointment yesterday. He did not seem happy. In the end he is paying hardly anything because he is on unemployment but its better than what I have been getting which is fucking not one dime. I should start to see something in May because the paperwork has to go thru the court system first.

I never did hear anything from him last night so I dont know if he is thinking victory or if he is pissed off. Because he is getting away with not paying for a whole month. I think its wrong they should have made him pay something right then and there.

So here is to another thing checked off the list and I am one more step away from being done with his ass.

Whoo hoo

Spring is Here

Lets begin today with some good things to talk about.....

#1 . My daughter won best writing story for her grade for all of 7th grade in our county. So she gets to go to a banquet and gets presents and her story published in a book. I am so very proud of her. Its ironic that she is doing the best she ever has and her parents are divorcing. Means I did the right thing. I took her out for dinner as congratulations.

#2. LR's vehicle got reposed on Monday night I heard. It couldnt have happened to a nicer person. HA HA. Karma really is a bitch isnt it? However his Old Hag of a girl friend gave him her old vehicle to use. So he isnt inconvenienced at all and now doesnt have a car payment. I would hate it if I was him though because now she really does have him by the balls because he cant leave her now he is totally dependant on her. If he wants to leave he is on foot with just his clothes. He sold everything else.

This week really has been long and I was looking forward to the weekend. P called and asked me out for Saturday and I said yes. However LR has thrown a wrench in that. Just like always. He told my daughter on Monday when he had her that she was coming to spend the weekend with him. Well I send him a text this morning asking for details on this weekend. He sends one back saying he was getting her Sunday. WTF?? We go back and forth and I say it must be nice to be a father and pick and choose what days and when you want to get her and change plans on her. Well he called me a bitch. Only a bitch when you screw over my daughter. He ended up saying he had plans for Saturday that he could get her Friday night and drop her off Saturday and then pick her back up Sunday. Again WTF??? So I say Fuck you just get her Sunday you suck as a parent. He then calls me and old hag is sitting next to him (this pissed me off) He ended up asking if he could get her tonight and drop her off Saturday morning. There is no school tomorrow so this is ok with me. What I said must have sunk in huh? I hate him not realizing up front what a dumb ass he is. So I have a few days without my daughter and a cancelled date. P could only go out Saturday night. Damn it. However I know my child is more important and I am ok with a cancelled date. I am just tired of him being a parent when he doesnt have better plans and that he has to ok everything with the new girlfriend and ask her about times for pick up and drop off.

So I wonder what I will do with my time???? Probably nothing.

I am about to vomit!

Yes I am ready to vomit. LR and the picture he is trying to paint is making me very ill. Anyhow he sends a text late yesterday afternoon in response to me calling him out that he blew off Saturday with our daughter. He says he didnt shaft her that the weather was to bad to take her fishing. So I shot back with well there is other stuff to do and at the very least you could have called. He said that he wanted to get our daughter for dinner then. Fast forward to me getting home....As soon as I walked in my daughter was ready and said LR was on his way. I walked her down to meet him when I heard him pull up because I was also leaving to run a errand. I asked him how long they would be etc. He replied that he was taking her back to his place for dinner. GREAT! so he doesnt see her for 7 weeks and is going to take her to meet the new girlfriend at his new place. Not "hay lets catch up alone somewhere and let me tell you what I have been doing" Nope just throw her right into it. Once she returned from dinner I had to hear about the plans for this weekend that the old hag discussed with her and how she got to see the bedroom they set up for her and how they are going bowling on Friday and to dinner at this new restaurant the hag wants to take LR and his mom, step-dad, sister and the rest of the family to on Sunday.

This is where I want to vomit. How can you in a month move in with this woman and pretend to play house with my child and now his family is also in on it. I mean is it just me or is this all wrong and way to fast???? I need to know if I am alone in all of this. Old hag I figured out is girl friend number 3 or 4 since Oct. 31 and today that makes 5 months, and he has already lived with her for just about a month. I want to start a bet on this relationship to see just how long this last.

This weekend for me I guess I need to start planning stuff to keep me busy because this is just going to disgust me.

Another douche move from LR

I realized I havent blogged since Thursday during the day so lets try to catch you up on the events.

On Thursday evening I had to go back to the old house (the one that is getting foreclosed on & were LR lives now 2 houses up with the old hag x neighbor) and get my mail. LR said I had stuff from social services etc. With great reluctance I had to go. LR knew I was coming so when I pulled up he was out by his Jeep looking like he was getting something so of course he saw me and walked down and followed me inside. Perfect I thought now we are alone and I can tell him about the divorce etc. I told him what the lawyer said and about how if he didnt contest we could be all done by end of summer. He said he wouldnt and also added "if this is really what you want..blah blah blah" also said he would always love me and how 90% of his life is gone now. What the fuck dude??? You cheated, did drugs, ruined my life, his life and his daughters and you want to question if this is really what I want. And hello if you truly love someone you wouldnt do the things you have to me over and over again. "hell yes" I told him I want this in a bad way. He also asked when he could start getting our daughter. So we went into a whole conversation about her and I explained as long as he called her and she wants to go and he can promise no drinking & driving or bullshit than I am ok with it. I figure she is old enough to call me if she sees anything she doesnt like. I had a conversation that she can call me and I will be right there to pick her up. I left there laughing at him because he followed me around the house and right out to my truck to tell me goodbye and that it was good seeing me. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. He is such a joke and I knew the girlfriend was watching us from the window so I waved.

So that evening he did call her and said he wants to see her Saturday and take her fishing and said he would call her Friday evening as well. Guess what we never heard from him. What a douche move right? So her and I just hung out all weekend and watched Twilight together and ran some errands it was really good mother daughter time. Its his loss. She is great.

I sent him a text message this morning telling him to never do that again and oh yea happy b-day asshole. Yes today is his birthday and I hope he gets the shits for his birthday. Fucking douche bag. The only thing I am grateful for is that my daughter is old enough to realize how he is treating her. I mean come on he hasnt spent any time with her since Feb 16th. He gets the dad of the year medal for sure. The part I hate the most is him telling me he misses her and cant wait to see her. Well then why in the hell dont you get her???? thats my question.

I just keep patting myself on the back for getting out of that mess of a relationship I was in for all those years. Yes its tough on my own and being a single parent with no support financially etc. but its so worth it not to have the drama anymore.

Heres to me...cheers

Could be a single woman this summer.

I went to see a lawyer yesterday after work for a consult. He was very informative advising me on the bankruptcy I want to file and divorce. I was advised that since LR is now living with a woman and if he doesnt contest the divorce this could all happen in 3 months time. WOW!!! I did send LR a text yesterday before my appointment and asked him if he would contest anything and he said "nope". I got the thinking how could he. First of all he is living with another woman and second what would his girlfriend say if he fought me for a divorce that I am paying for and trying to speed up. Of course she would give him a bunch of shit and he is dependant on her for a place to live right now. So I can really see this happening quickly. Walking out of that office I really could see my new life beginning. All the years of drinking, affairs and now drug abuse will all be in the past and I wont have to deal with him or his problems any longer. Its a relief and that is why I am keeping my fingers crossed that this goes through smoothly. This is going to be costly to file for both things but it will really be worth it. My step-mom has been my angel in waiting and she is going to be helping me with the funds.

Yesterday must have been my lucky day, actually ever since this weekend its been great. I havent been able to say that in a very long time. Anyway I won the weekly drawing at the bar for 151.00. Whoo hoo. Thats some cash in my pocket for the weekend. Who knows maybe P will call and ask for a date. That would be the cherry on top.


Its kinda nice seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that was dark and gloomy for so many years.

It's lawyer time. Ohhh yeah!

I have been trying for about a week now to get in touch with a lawyer. I wanted one that did both things divorce and bankruptcy. There isnt many that do both in my area. Finally one of the ones I was trying to call answered and low and behold they have a appointment for tomorrow for a consultation. Whoo hoo. Lets see how much this is gonna cost me. I am scared I will admit because I dont have any money but I think my step-mom may help with this. I have to run home and tally up my debt and get all my information together and questions I want to ask. Tomorrow should be interesting and informative. At least this will lead me in the right direction of what to do next. I hate to file for divorce but at this point in my life I have no choice. I cant pay rent and the normal funds it takes to raise a daughter on my own and pay my credit cards. Again I take a hit because I made a bad choice by trying to make things work with my low life of a husband. Ughh never again.

I never heard from P last night and I really didnt think I would. He and I are allot alike in the manner that we both are stubborn and probably are both waiting for the other to call. We also have allot of baggage with the X's and are cautious about getting in a relationship. The worst part is I like him. I will have to push this to the back of my head. Its hard because I will get to working and then he will just pop into my head. Something he said or did and then I just smile. Wonder if I will see him around this weekend? Who knows...push it away...push it away.

My daughter is happy. I hooked up the computer for her last night and its just in time because she advised me she has a paper do on Friday. Its working great and much faster than that old piece of shit we had. Thank goodness for friends.

D the guy up the street that I know likes me keeps on sending me texts trying to hint around as to why I wasnt around this weekend. I really need to set him straight to back off, if I havent shown any interest and turn him down all the time for the past 7 months you would have thought he would have gotten the hint. But apparently not. I told him I had other plans.

Ok - time to sign off allot to do so I can get ready for tomorrow.

Cheers

Biker Boys -OMG What A Weekend

What a crazy fucking weekend. It was fun less the blow up with LR but I will explain more about that later. On Friday my daughter went with LR's aunt so I headed next door to my normal hang out under the impression that "ok just a couple" because I had to work Saturday morning. I also was a mess to look at because I knew I would be out of there early before the big crowd came. That was the plan

As soon as I walk in the normal happy hour locals are there and I say hello and sit down. When I looked to right down the bar sat this guy "P" as I am going to call him and his buddies. I met P at the Nascar Daytona party in January. Yes he is the scary biker that most would run from because of the tattoos and the biker get up. But I grew up with this and loved his smile and assholeness if that makes since. Yes I like the bad boys. But he just puts on that front but I know better because we talked alone at the party and his boys werent there. I got word the week after Nascar that he came in asked my friend about me and could he get my number. She eventually gave it to him after asking me. I was like what the hell. But he never called and I didnt see him again until this weekend. So I saw him down there and I didnt say hi. I dont do things like that if he is interested he will come to me. I was gabbing to my friend for a little over a hour I could see him starring and eventually I guess after beer courage he sent a drink over with a message saying I was a snob. So I one upped him and sent him a shot with a F you message because I knew in front of his boys and the bad ass attitude he was throwing I would win. And I did. He asked me to go to another bar with all of the them to hear a band. You know me...I did. That was a 3:30 in the morning return home. I met up with them again Saturday night and had a blast. Not sure what will become of all of this. But it was a great time. They also belong to a very big bike club and I know as soon as LR hears I went out with this guy all holy hell will raise. But Fuck him I had a good time. Worse thing is I think I like this guy allot but the family will hate him because they will just hear the club he belongs to and the tattoos etc. What do I do?

The blow up with LR was me telling him exactly how I feel. That he sucks as a father etc. I mean yelling it etc. He doesnt care I passed him on the road on Saturday after that and he turned around in the middle of the road to talk to me and saw I had beer in the back of the truck and asked for one and then told me I look good and was trying to be all charming. What the hell is wrong with him? I told him to get in front of the truck so I could run his ass over. He just laughed at me. I hate him so much.

At least I had a good weekend. Hope to have another one just like it.

The weeks End

This week has just been a little hectic. At work we are extremely busy and not enough help. Due to the economy they will not hire anyone else. So its put out more work and kill yourself. Oh and no raises this year. Yes I am very grateful to have a employment but on the other hand I am tired and wore out for this job. I also have to work tomorrow for OT. I do need the money. Especially since I got screwed by a so called friend. On Wednesday evening I went to the old house so my friend could get the washer/dryer and went to her house and chatted and helped set it all up. When it was time to leave and I asked for the money the bitch actually said "oh Mike has my checkbook" Why would her x-boyfriend have that? Then she said she would stop by last night with the money. Yea I sent her a text asking what time she would be by and she ignored my text and email. So I guess I am out of that money. You guessed it I got screwed, not to happy either.

I also have not heard from LR he was suppose to have his half of the car insurance. I am so tired of being screwed over by people. All I try to do is the right thing and I seem to be just getting run over by everyone. I also told LR on Monday that I really wanted to talk to him and settle some things that I had mentioned in my previous post. Nope he never called or anything. Its not like he is fucking working or busy.

The "OLD HAG" also approached my friend D on Wednesday when he helped my friend and I with the washer/dryer she asked him what he was doing helping me and then told him about some of the comments I made about her to LR. It's nice he tells her what I say about her. I find that funny as shit. Bring it on old bitch.... My friend who also got the washer/dryer use to be a pot head and pill popper before she settled down 3 years ago with her daughter. She informed me she use to get drugs from the old hag and knows she still uses. That was very helpful info for me. Just another reason why I need to get a hold of LR and inform him that hell no just leave me and my daughter alone and dont screw up things with her.

This weekend my daughter is going with LR's one aunt that I like and I think I am just going to chill out tonight and then go to a bonanza tomorrow night. All close to home and hopefully NO drama will find me. I can hope right?

Cheers!

The dickhead move

For some f'd up reason LR seems to be calling more now and I am really confused. He has moved in the with "old hag" and he calls more now then when he was just living with his druggie aunt. I cant figure it out. He isnt calling his daughter only me. For stupid fucking reasons. Yesterday I had the day off and he calls and said he saw my truck and knew I wasnt at work and wanted to know if everything was ok. What the fuck??? Thats why I didnt want him living anywhere around me. Dont call me asshat. I just simply told him yes and didnt offer up any explanation for me being off. I dont think he liked that but screw him. I did tell him that when he had some spare time I really wanted to talk to him. I want to know what he plans on telling our daughter about him moving in with our old neighbor and whats he going to do when she starts to get made comments to from the mean boys in the neighbor about her father shacking up with the old bitch. I am really concerned about her and how this is going to screw with her head. She is amazingly well and I dont want this to mess her up.

Yesterday I waited on the cable guy and went to the Laundromat. Man I forgot how many strange ones go there. This old woman started telling me her whole life story and how her kids are all messed up and how her daughter sleeps around and son uses drugs. I never even said hello to her and she just comes over while I am folding clothes and starts in. I swear if I start to go psycho someone please put me out of my misery. I was thankful she came in as the clothes were drying and almost done.

Today is beautiful and I cant wait to go outside and walk around. My daughter got me into the Twilight books and now I have to get book 2 I finished the first one last night and I am hooked. I thought it was going to be stupid and I was wrong. So we may park a little further away in town and walk to the bookstore and hit some of the little shops since its so nice.

Cheers!

The big move for LR

Ahhh the weekend drama. Will it ever end? No, I dont think it will. It seems to trail behind me like a puppy and then at times comes right up beside me and irrates the shit out of me. Just like this weekend for instance. Friday night my daughter went to the movies with her girlfriend so I was able to hit the bar for a couple hours and have happy hour with a old girlfriend that I have gotten in touch with. That was fun and I am glad we are talking again. No big drama there except for that damn girl keeps telling she is getting the washer/dryer and she keeps falling thru on her promise.

Saturday morning I worked and have to leave a hour early because my step-moms car broke down on the way to my house to get my daughter. Luckily she made it to my house but we had to get her a tow truck and I had to take her home. Right after that LR calls me and that is when the real drama began for the day. He was being all nicey nice and then let it slip that he is moving in with the old hag. Yep thats right after just one week of being together he is moving in. Then stated he wants to start getting our daughter etc. WHAT THE FUCK???? Ok lets confuse this child even more. He hasnt really been in the picture in like 6 months and he want her to go visit him and the old hag in the neighborhood she grew up in and only 2 houses away. I dont even know how he would begin to explain that. I have been in the old hags house just once. It was the most disgusting thing ever. She is also a dope and pill head. So I have to quickly get my a lawyer and get on the ball with this. I did give him crap and am hoping he just goes away. I can pray right? Saturday night I went to this b-day party and a huge fight broke out and the place was shut down by midnight so I just headed home.

Sunday was really nice. I slept in until 11:30. I havent been able to do that in months. I never left the house that day it was great. Just chilled out and watched movies with my daughter and read. I miss those days and hope to have many more.

Lets hope this week goes as smoothly as my Sunday went.

Friday is here time to unwind sorta

Its Friday again and man I cant wait to start my weekend. However I am going to be working on Saturday for a few hours to get overtime. This may hurt me when it comes to child support but I really have no choice at this point. I wish someone would tell me if social services will hold that against me.

LR is still with the Grandma and they havent spent a night apart since last Saturday. I think I have finally realized why this is getting to me. It makes me question myself when he gets with these woman. When I say these woman I mean fat, ugly, old, drug addicts, psycho and so on. All these woman have been a mess in one way or another. So it makes me think ok which category do I fall in? Whats wrong with me? am I ugly or fat? I dont do drugs and I take care of my kid so I know I am not one of the woman he got with. But it does make me question myself and I hate that he can do that to me. On the other hand I have begun to realize that he has made me a much stronger woman. Since he has been a complete waste of a person and father I have learned that I can do this on my own. I have done it for 6 months with absolutely no help from him what so ever. My daughters grades have not dropped and she is on the honor roll. So I must be doing something right. The questions are still there though. I am hoping that will pass.

As for the weekend tonight my daughter is going to the movies with her friend for them getting good report cards. While she does that I have to go the old house to help my friend get the washer and dryer. With that money it will help me pay Aprils rent. Whoo hoo. Another month of having a place to live. Once I do that I am going to have a drink and wait for my daughter to return home. It will be a early night since I have to work tomorrow. While I am at work my step-mom is going to get my daughter. Saturday night there is a b-day party I am suppose to go to at the old bar I use to hang out with my x-boyfriend. Yea the one I fell back into bed with just last month. That wont happen again. (I hope) We are good friends now and I want to keep it that way. Sunday will be my relaxing day.

Lets hope tonight I dont run into LR and his "old lady" at the old house. I know he has been staying at her house which is only two house up. The houses are close together. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Raise your glasses here is to the weekend...