The rest of the weekend story

The rest of my Saturday really did not go as I planned it. I returned home after work to find LR was already gone and off on the Harley. Not a big deal as I expected that. Little side bar "the other woman" already heard about LR's fight as she text ed me in the early afternoon. Word spreads pretty quick. So I got a shower and wanted to head to the bar where this fight occurred to get the real story. The story goes that LR in his drunken stupidity grabbed this guy by his shirt and asked him "what the fuck are you looking at" I guess this guy didn't appreciate it and laid him out. Kinda funny in way as I am sure he deserved it.

After getting the story and letting some of the people I have become close with know my side of what has been going on and why I left LR I took off to go to my Uncles party. Well I guess I got there a little to late as they all stared partying at 2:00pm and its not 6:30pm and they are finished and trashed. So I head home and am there by 8:30pm. What a night huh?

While I am out I am hearing from my close friend, the one I was suppose to catch up with while they were doing a bike run. That LR has been with them all day and is crying to her that he hasnt done anything and wants us to work out blah blah blah. So my friend, I will call her T, has been telling him basically everything I have been telling him and she believed she was getting thru to him. However he slips away from them about 8:00pm. She calls me Sunday morning and asked if he made it home. He didn't. So she called his Mom to see if he stayed there or his sisters. He didn't. So she called his phone and he answered and she asked were are you? and his reply is the standard answer he always gives me "I am around". To me that makes you guilty as charged. What has me upset is not that he is with someone, that is typical. But the fact that he is telling people and crying to them and then you go and do this. That pisses me off. He never did come home until 7:30 last night. I ran upstairs as I knew my mouth would just run.

I just want him to get out and let me start a new chapter in my life. I know that will never happen.

And there was blood every where.

It wouldnt be a Friday night if LR didnt go to the bar and do something stupid. Lets start from the beginning I go home and my daughter is making plans with her friends to go to the movies and dinner. She made straight A's and I am very proud so did her girlfriend so they got to do something fun. After she left I headed to the bar to sign the books and get a beer. LR came in right behind me, this was not a problem as we are getting along. I leave after just 2 hours and was home by 8. I had to work today. At about quarter to 12 LR calls all upset and tells me to come outside. So I run down stairs and go to the door and he is covered in blood. He said he was jumped and doesnt know who did it. After calling my bartender friend at the bar I learn once again he lied. He went up to someone and asked him "what the fuck are you looking at" this guy pushed him and LR fell into the edge of the bar breaking his nose. Hence the blood everywhere.
I ask myself when will he stop lying? He said the bartender was lying and that isnt what happened. Yea right! In the end he blamed this on me and said "if we were still together I would have been home with you" Uh, I dont think so that is why we are not together because he runs to bars all the time and isnt home with me.

Let me also state that I talked to a very dear friend of mine and LR's family that I havent spoken to in months and didnt know we were separated. She confided in me that she has known he has been cheating on me but couldnt find a way to tell me. She has nothing to do with the other woman or has really been around. So this must have happened a good few months ago. So I was reassured that I am doing the right thing here. I still hurts to know that. But deep down I already knew. He wont change. I said something to him about this and he said "no I havent cheated on you since you came back. My response "OK Bill Clinton" Why would all of these people be out to lie on him.

Whoooo HOooo like I said in my previous post I am kid free today and after last night I am going to have myself a good time. I dont do this all the time so please dont think I am a hypocrite. You can see by my post I dont do this often. But damn it today I am going to do it right. I need it. Blog about it later!!!!

Can't Wait!

Whoo Hooo I found a sitter for Saturday. Now I can't wait. Finally get to have some adult fun and let my hair down and forget about my shit life for awhile. I do have to work Saturday morning but by the time I get home my daughter should be gone. She is staying with my step-mom. I didnt even have to ask if she could watch her she called me. So that is a plus. Hopefully they will find shoes for my daughters Halloween costume. Keep your fingers crossed.

As for LR and I we are speaking to each other and talked about his family last night. Mainly his F'd up father. He is a real winner. Apparently the only reason he came over on Monday was to ask him for money. He didnt care that we are broke and behind on our bills and have a young daughter. That man is so selfish. I really feel for LR and now see why he is so messed up. Well I cant say that his family is just a mess I have seen it for awhile now. But I am still not sleeping with him and we dont make plans together. Hopefully we can keep this a friendship thing and not argue. I think we can do that if he leaves me alone while he is drinking. He will still slip in occasionally when he isnt drinking and ask me to lay with him and hold him and just sleep but I dont want to get that way with him. Its easier if that wall is up. I dont seem to get hurt that way. Although I am missing sex in a great big way. I am starting to dream about it (at least I am getting in my dreams). I am not use to going this long without it. Even when we seperated and I moved out I was quick to have a friend with benefits. I have never gone a whole month in many many many years. I am going to have to fix this real fast.

Again I am psyched about this weekend. Damn its been awhile since I have just been me and partied. Been to damn responsible. Hoping to find someone to let me ride on the back of there bike for this even on Saturday so I dont have to drive backer for the group. If I dont being backer is alright to. Just a couple more days to go.

The unknown

Well I still dont know if LR has a job today or not. As of last night he told me they dont know anything yet that maybe tomorrow he will know more. Cant tell you how that will screw things up more. Bills are already tight and he just now paid Septembers mortgage. As you know I am trying to get out of there. Who knows maybe this is a sign for us to just ditch the house and go our separate ways. Our credit is already screwed due to all of the drama this past year.

Another glitch is LR's father is now back in town. He is also a drunk and a mess with no job and hasnt had one in awhile. I think I wrote about him before. I just thank goodness he isnt staying with us this time and mooching off of us. Last time he stayed with LR's sister and ran up a hell of a phone bill and then left. Well the great one is back. So I can expect weekends again will be filled with even more drama added to this mix.

I have been asked to a couple party's/events this weekend so I guess I have to get on the horn and look for a sitter for my daughter. Ahhh to do adult things. Cant wait to just relax amongst friends and escape from this hell I have been in. (for a little while at least I do have to go home...blah)

Just when you think it cant get any worse...

Just when you think it cant get any worse LR just called and said there is a good chance he is losing his job. Great right? What the fuck am I going to do now?

Same old shit.

Yep this weekend was like any other. LR did his drinking thing at the bars and driving home completely shit faced except this time on the motorcycle. He wont learn at all. When he does come home he insist on doing what I call "drunk talk" to me and insisting he hasn't done anything wrong. Same old speech just different weekend. This is what I hate the most. He doesn't realize that what he is doing is what caused the break up. Running to bars, whoring around and driving home drunk and disrupting the house hold. He sounds like a 3 year old when he says he wont stop now since I wont take him back. He was doing this when we were together so I just tell him to get out of the room and go pass out. I hate him sounding childish. I am not sure if he saw the other woman or not I didn't really speak to her this weekend. Wonder if I will hear from her today.

This weekend however I knew he was with his mother on Saturday night and I called her and cussed her since she let him drive home drunk on the bike. Which is over 40 minutes away at 11:00pm at night when the deer are horrible this time of year. She insist no one could stop him. I beg to differ. I am tired today since LR came in late and drunk last night and kept me up. Damn I have to move.

A good point about this weekend is my daughter and I went to this awesome Apple Harvest festival and had a great time. The weather was perfect and I got to spend time with my aunt and uncle that I don't get to see much since they live farther away. I cant wait for next years festival. I am definitely taking money everything was so much cheaper.

So starts another week...wonder what will come my way. I know I have to work this Saturday to get extra money. I am hoping for a sitter for after work on Saturday so I can go to a adult party my Aunt is throwing. It would be great to get out and NO I am not asking LR he would just be drunk. So I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Happy Monday!!!

Weekend is here....

This week has been such a roller coaster ride. LR and I are of course still on the outs. However now he has turned into just asking for sex all the time. There is no "Hay I miss you" or " I love you" its just simply him wanting sex. He also continues to think he is the victim and he did absolutely nothing wrong. So I just blow him off. This is harder than I thought just living with him. I am hoping this weekend goes a little smoother than the last.

I am still talking to the other woman. You know the old saying "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" Well that's the mission now. Its still in the back of my head that she can be using me as well. Whatever right?

LR's mom and I spoke yesterday and I told her I am really worried about him. The drinking and driving and suicide talk has me really concerned. I have this gut feeling that something awful is right around the corner. She sounded upset and like she knows its coming as well. I hate having to live my life this way because I know god forbid is something does happen I will blame myself again just like I did with my father. I have moments where I just want to give in and say we are OK now, but on the other hand I don't want the rest of my life to be this way. The other woman and running all night at bars is just to much. But worrying about him is also to much. A big part of me regrets coming back. If I didn't the other woman would be dealing with this.

Anyhow my daughter is doing great in school so I am taking her Halloween shopping this weekend and maybe to dinner tonight and getting her hair cut. Man she is growing up. She has this little boyfriend (I know the mother) and he bought her a pair of ear rings yesterday she was so happy and cant stop talking about him. She really is the sunshine in my life right now.

I wish anyone who is reading this a great weekend. (I have a feeling no one is) But if you are happy Friday.