Big mistake I made

The weekend oh were to begin. Friday I had the day off of work and was able to get allot accomplished. Friday evening LR decided to stay home and I guess try and prove a point to me. Saturday morning I had to work. When I came home I realised he had gone thru my stuff and found a card that goes with roses from a guy I was seeing when we were separated. I didnt mean to keep that and thought I had gotten rid of everything when I moved back. But whatever he knew it was from when we werent together. LR then went out that evening and after snooping around I found out that he was with one of the woman I have heard about. Sunday morning he comes upstairs and brings me breakfast in bed. This guy is just to much right? He tells me he isnt sleeping with this girl that she is to fat and they are just friends. She is fat. But I dont believe him. So I head out with my daughter to my aunt and uncles to watch the race and football games. He calls and wants to buy us dinner and watch the game with us. When I do get home there is only a inning left in the game and like $50.00 worth of take out. So duh I am going to eat it. His is a great charmer.

This is where I make the mistake. I fell asleep on his bed watching the game. So this morning he starts fooling around with me, I will admit it was nice and I miss it, I miss the sex and affection. I tell him ok but this isnt going to change it. So we did, we had great sex. Here lies the problem. He has been texting me and acting like we are all better again. So I finally replied that I dont think what we did was a good idea. Obviously. I don't want my heart broke yet again. The is not allot left of me to destroy. He doesn't seem to happy now. What he has to realize is he caused this.

Ah what a way to start a week.

Jo Dee Messina's "Bring on the rain"

"Another day has almost come and gone Cant imagine what else could wrong Sometimes Id like to hide away somewhere and lock the door A single battle lost but not the war (cause) Tomorrows another day And Im thirsty anyway So bring on the rain Its almost like the hard times circle round A couple drops and they all start coming down Yeah, I might feel defeated, I might hang my head I might be barely breathing - but Im not dead Tomorrows another day And Im thirsty anyway So bring on the rain Im not gonna let it get me down Im not gonna cry And Im not gonna lose any sleep tonight"


Jo Dee Messina's "Bring on the rain"

Ever feel like your life has been a joke?

On Monday I received a text message from whom I am calling the other woman, asking me if I still wanted to meet for drinks. This is the woman whom LR went in to the bar searching out about a month and a half ago. The one I have been texting back and forth. The one he says is lying and he never asked her to be back with him. So I reply sure. I knew LR was home and was trying to play good parent after he never came home on Saturday night or has he spent any time with our daughter etc. So when I got there dinner was completed and homework was started. So I replied to her sure what the hell. So I get ready and LR of course has to ask were I was going etc. (side bar I never ask him or call him once he out) So I tell him and the look on his face was price less. He says they are just going to fill your head with shit. You see his step sister is friends with the other woman and is the bartender in there as well. I arrive to the bar and of course we hit it off by rehashing the past couple years with correcting all the lies he has told each of us. I also learned that not only did my sister in law meet with her a couple weeks ago but also my mother in law. Both asking her if she would go back with him. Now isnt she fucking lovely. She and I were really close she said I was a daughter to her and we partied all the time even when LR and I werent together we still hung out and did tons of stuff. She was like a best friend. Also why would she fucking do that to my daughter. Why not work on her son and keeping her granddaughters family together? I was at a loss. The other woman told me tons of stuff that just buried LR even more.

As I am sitting there talkind to her LR is texting me and I am just cracking up. Telling me I should be home its a work night etc. Like me going out one time makes me a horrible Mom. Never mind he stays out until 3:30am or never comes home. What a loser.

I asked him to move out yesterday morning. However he says he cant and wont. So I am stuck there with him for awhile. Great. Last night he actually asked me to go on a cruise or trip with him. He got some offer for free tickets. I just laughed at him and told him to take whomever he is doing now. How can he ask me that after he knows I know everything now. Oh thats right he still denies he has ever did anything wrong. That the three people who told me things about him and do not know each other are all lying on him. I asked him why would they lie and he said he cant seem to figure that out. So I ask him where was he then Saturday night and he wont tell me. That to me is admitting guilt.

I hate him at this point. And just want him out!!!!

You might as well put me in the psycho ward

I just confronted LR about Saturday night and not coming home and hearing he was with another woman and about the third person telling me she knew he was cheating on me and didnt know how to tell me. He says it all not true and that he has been true to me and that I just listen to what I want to hear. Man everyone must be against him. The funny thing is none of these people know each other. So how can they all be out to get him. But all he does is repeat that he hasnt done anything. PLEASE SOMEONE COMMIT ME NOW BECAUSE I AM NUTTS.

The rest of the weekend story

The rest of my Saturday really did not go as I planned it. I returned home after work to find LR was already gone and off on the Harley. Not a big deal as I expected that. Little side bar "the other woman" already heard about LR's fight as she text ed me in the early afternoon. Word spreads pretty quick. So I got a shower and wanted to head to the bar where this fight occurred to get the real story. The story goes that LR in his drunken stupidity grabbed this guy by his shirt and asked him "what the fuck are you looking at" I guess this guy didn't appreciate it and laid him out. Kinda funny in way as I am sure he deserved it.

After getting the story and letting some of the people I have become close with know my side of what has been going on and why I left LR I took off to go to my Uncles party. Well I guess I got there a little to late as they all stared partying at 2:00pm and its not 6:30pm and they are finished and trashed. So I head home and am there by 8:30pm. What a night huh?

While I am out I am hearing from my close friend, the one I was suppose to catch up with while they were doing a bike run. That LR has been with them all day and is crying to her that he hasnt done anything and wants us to work out blah blah blah. So my friend, I will call her T, has been telling him basically everything I have been telling him and she believed she was getting thru to him. However he slips away from them about 8:00pm. She calls me Sunday morning and asked if he made it home. He didn't. So she called his Mom to see if he stayed there or his sisters. He didn't. So she called his phone and he answered and she asked were are you? and his reply is the standard answer he always gives me "I am around". To me that makes you guilty as charged. What has me upset is not that he is with someone, that is typical. But the fact that he is telling people and crying to them and then you go and do this. That pisses me off. He never did come home until 7:30 last night. I ran upstairs as I knew my mouth would just run.

I just want him to get out and let me start a new chapter in my life. I know that will never happen.

And there was blood every where.

It wouldnt be a Friday night if LR didnt go to the bar and do something stupid. Lets start from the beginning I go home and my daughter is making plans with her friends to go to the movies and dinner. She made straight A's and I am very proud so did her girlfriend so they got to do something fun. After she left I headed to the bar to sign the books and get a beer. LR came in right behind me, this was not a problem as we are getting along. I leave after just 2 hours and was home by 8. I had to work today. At about quarter to 12 LR calls all upset and tells me to come outside. So I run down stairs and go to the door and he is covered in blood. He said he was jumped and doesnt know who did it. After calling my bartender friend at the bar I learn once again he lied. He went up to someone and asked him "what the fuck are you looking at" this guy pushed him and LR fell into the edge of the bar breaking his nose. Hence the blood everywhere.
I ask myself when will he stop lying? He said the bartender was lying and that isnt what happened. Yea right! In the end he blamed this on me and said "if we were still together I would have been home with you" Uh, I dont think so that is why we are not together because he runs to bars all the time and isnt home with me.

Let me also state that I talked to a very dear friend of mine and LR's family that I havent spoken to in months and didnt know we were separated. She confided in me that she has known he has been cheating on me but couldnt find a way to tell me. She has nothing to do with the other woman or has really been around. So this must have happened a good few months ago. So I was reassured that I am doing the right thing here. I still hurts to know that. But deep down I already knew. He wont change. I said something to him about this and he said "no I havent cheated on you since you came back. My response "OK Bill Clinton" Why would all of these people be out to lie on him.

Whoooo HOooo like I said in my previous post I am kid free today and after last night I am going to have myself a good time. I dont do this all the time so please dont think I am a hypocrite. You can see by my post I dont do this often. But damn it today I am going to do it right. I need it. Blog about it later!!!!

Can't Wait!

Whoo Hooo I found a sitter for Saturday. Now I can't wait. Finally get to have some adult fun and let my hair down and forget about my shit life for awhile. I do have to work Saturday morning but by the time I get home my daughter should be gone. She is staying with my step-mom. I didnt even have to ask if she could watch her she called me. So that is a plus. Hopefully they will find shoes for my daughters Halloween costume. Keep your fingers crossed.

As for LR and I we are speaking to each other and talked about his family last night. Mainly his F'd up father. He is a real winner. Apparently the only reason he came over on Monday was to ask him for money. He didnt care that we are broke and behind on our bills and have a young daughter. That man is so selfish. I really feel for LR and now see why he is so messed up. Well I cant say that his family is just a mess I have seen it for awhile now. But I am still not sleeping with him and we dont make plans together. Hopefully we can keep this a friendship thing and not argue. I think we can do that if he leaves me alone while he is drinking. He will still slip in occasionally when he isnt drinking and ask me to lay with him and hold him and just sleep but I dont want to get that way with him. Its easier if that wall is up. I dont seem to get hurt that way. Although I am missing sex in a great big way. I am starting to dream about it (at least I am getting in my dreams). I am not use to going this long without it. Even when we seperated and I moved out I was quick to have a friend with benefits. I have never gone a whole month in many many many years. I am going to have to fix this real fast.

Again I am psyched about this weekend. Damn its been awhile since I have just been me and partied. Been to damn responsible. Hoping to find someone to let me ride on the back of there bike for this even on Saturday so I dont have to drive backer for the group. If I dont being backer is alright to. Just a couple more days to go.