OMG! My crazy F'in life continue

Lets see where do I start. Okay.....last night I left work and went home to do the usual routine. Dinner, help kid with home work, straighten up, and did a load of clothes. I then proceeded to the kitchen and was working on trying to fix my cell phone. Mine decided the face of it just wanted to go black. So I am taking out the sim card and turning off and on the phone. When at the kitchen door LR just walks right the fuck in. No knock, no phone call, no nothing. So I automatically start bitchin. You see when I moved out the last time I never once did that. Matter of fact I didnt even come to the house until after his accident and then he couldnt drive to meet at the park and ride where we met to exchange our daughter. He says he stills has his name on the house etc. So the F what! He could have still knocked. So we argued, he got pissed again when I asked for the cell phone back. He has a work phone not like I left him high and dry. I am not paying for his social life. It got thrown at my neck. Ass hat!!!! But I got the phone back. He then went looking thru the fridge and the bathroom. I couldnt understand until this morning when I went to take a shower. The god damn bar of soap was missing. WTF right? Why would he take the soap. So I had to get out of the shower and get another bar. I hate that shit. The one he took was almost brand new. He slammed the door leaving last night and called me a skank. Whatever. Because I am getting out and screwed so much lately. I wish....

Ok today's drama. First off while apologizing to my daughter about the fight last night between her father and myself she asks me if I knew her Dad had gotten drunk in a bar and beat up. I said "yes how do you know" She tells me the kids in school know from there parents and now they are teasing her about it. Great, small town living. So I get a call at lunch time from LR's mother first. She left a message asking about a present for our daughter for Christmas. I tried to call her back she didnt answer, I answered her question and hung up. Then LR calls and leaves a message about me, my cousin and his X. The one I went out with on Halloween. So I call him back. Come to find out my aunt saw his mother and told her that yea we had all gone out. What the fuck was she thinking????why tell my business she knows I have issues with his mother. Then we get back into a argument about the same old stuff Then I tell him what our daughter told me this morning. His response to me was "well if you are going to treat me like shit and be a bitch and she is embarrassed of me you can both just stay the hell out of my life" and he hung up. Real mature right? I try to call him back he answers and told me its a work number and never to call back. So I sent a text message and told him our daughter did not ask for this and that if he decides not to talk to her that is on him. I havent heard a word since.

This bullshit is just never ending and the people who are jumping into this shit just need to stop it because they are just making it worse. Now I have to sit and wonder if he will get drunk and do something to himself. Because that is how he is. I should have never told him what my daughter told me but he had me so flippin mad that I had to make a point that his actions affect not just him. This just sucks. I hate the drama and just want a fresh start some where else.

Until tonight crusade. Man I hope its quiet. However it wont be because I am not done with my aunt yet.

I Am Such A Bitch Lately

I know I have been a complete and total bitch towards LR and a few others the past couple days but I cant imagine why....Hhhhmmmm. He was even stupid enough to send me a texts and ask me if I was having a bad day and why am I treating him like this. He is so fucking stupid. He is the only person who has caused this. I simply kept coming back because I believed in him and wanted my family back. I admit I was stupid but still this boils down to him. Then you top it off with him and his family not seeing my daughter. Then I really become the bitch. Here we are at the holidays and I cant wait to see what happens then. You can bet your ass I am not answering the phone or any message from any of them.
I could also be feeling on edge and bitch because damn it I havent had sex in a looonnnnng time. I really need a good romp in the hay with a guy who doesnt speak. LOL.
The hate I have is because I have to be the responsible one while he is kid free and partying it up and NOT paying bills, homework, meals and taking the kid to school events. I hate that he can be the single male with no responsibilities. He hasnt paid any bills for real. So I am waiting on notices to start rolling in. It wont be long and I will be in social services for child support. Not sure how long that will last though. I am sure he is on the verge on losing his job. Yes ladies and gentleman I married a fucking loser. The best part is he keeps asking me to help him and take him back. Like he is a homeless dog. Im sorry he needs to get himself help for all the drinking and womanizing he does. The woman come because of the drinking.
Last night I didnt answer his calls and this morning I didnt answer his text message that had animation of a cartoon character blowing kisses and saying "good morning my family" what family is that? you fucking douche?????
The only good that came out of this is my beautiful smart daughter. God how I love her and am happy she is doing so well. She knows her father is a drunk.

I married a complete douche!!

On Friday I got a text message from my lovely husband asking me what he had to do for us to get back together. I replied that before I even consider it there would need to be major counseling and 30 days of rehab. I of course didnt hear anything again until this morning. You know he had to party all weekend. Duh!! This morning text message was telling me good morning and that he loved me. I kept after him with just mean messages. He never saw he daughter or called her until yesterday. They spoke for literally 2 minutes. So know quality time there at all. He is just such a fucking douche bag. I just dont understand how you can go months without spending any real time with your only child. His mother hasnt called her either. Fuck all of them.
Yes I have much hatred in me. Also because I have gone a long time with no sex or affection.
This Saturday night my daughter spent with my step-mother and so I headed out only to be gone 2 hours. No one was out that night. Now watch everyone will be out this weekend and I wont be able to go out. Just my shitty luck lately. And I missed the reunion. It was this past Friday and I thought it was this Friday. Again my shitty luck. So I wont get to see that guy I was previously talking about.
I did get some Christmas shopping done after work on Saturday so at least some of it is done. I am only buying for my daughter as I am flat broke. Still dont know how I can afford to move. LR come to find out hasnt paid the mortgage for Oct or Nov and here it is almost December. He is drinking his money away. The bike payment and insurance wasnt paid either. What a FUCKING LOSER.
The rest of my weekend was ok other than my daughters mouth. I am going easy on her as I know this has to be getting to her. I know how I felt when my father never came around for months. I hate that she is going thru this and karma is a bitch so he will get his. You would have thought he would learn.
Oh well. Here is to another wonderful week.....:)

Way to much time at the doctors!!!!

Yesterday I had scheduled the day off to take my daughter to the dentist. Figured I would just take the whole day and chill out the remainder of it as I have been putting in six days a week at work. Well it was a good thing I did. My daughter has been having problems with her leg so in the morning I called to see if the family doctor could also see her and luckily they could. So off we went at 10:30 in the morning. First one scheduled was the dentist, wouldnt you know it they were running behind. Spent 1 1/2 hours there. For a cleaning. We had a hour or so to wait until the next appointment. All our doctors are 30 minutes from our house as we live in the boonies. So we shop around for a couple things we need. At the family doctors they were on time, however, we get sent to a off campus for x-rays. Several hours were spent between those two things. Final time we made it home 6:00pm. I was exhausted. But at least all of that is done. I should hear in a couple days the results of the x-days. That will determine what to do next as they dont know where or why she is having pain. There was no accident that she is telling me about. As for LR he knows nothing as he hasnt called or seen her. Wait I take that back the fucker bought her lunch on Saturday while I was at work and dropped it off to her. Spent a total of 20 minutes. What a great father. So I figured fuck him he obviously doesnt want to know how or what she is up to.

More about my daughter...I think she is really resenting LR for all of this. She has made several comments about him in a very smart manner. I dont talk about him to her and I dont acknowledge the comments as I feel she needs to make her own determinations about him. So far she is determining correctly.

On the way to the doctors we saw his vehicle parked on the side of the bar where the girl he has been seeing. So I dont know if she had taken him home the night before of what. But I hate knowing he is still a bar slut and spening way to much money. Meanwhile I am counting every penny so I can go to the store and still pay the co-pay to the doctors yesterday. I hate him in so many ways. I asked for the phone back and he still never bought that back to me. I cant shut it off because of the fee. The funny part is yesterday when I sent him a text asking for the phone again. He was saying he misses me and knows he has fucked up. However he is doing nothing to fix it. I will always have a place in my heart for the jackass but I fucking hate him all in the same breath. I will have to give up my home, I have ruined my credit and I will be living in a dump just to make it now. So yes, I fucking hate him for making it come to this.

On a lighter note. I received a email from the reunuion committe of my high school and they are having a happy hour next friday. So I called a old guy friend whom I have kept in touch with him over the years and I know his wife. ( I dont care for her, I know her from high school ) I asked if they were going to the happy hour and get this him and his wife are going thru the exact same thing all most except in reverse. Its her fault as she is cheating on him and he hasnt moved out yet. He watches there kids as she works nights. So if he leaves or she leaves they need a sitter. I have always had a thing sorta for him. Kinda like you wonder "what if". We were "going out" in high school. Never slept together but was just the old boyfriend/girlfriend thing. There was always allot in common and just always got along thru the years. I knew his first wife and of course now his second one. Just always stayed in touched off and on over the years. We just always stayed friends. So we chated for about a half hour and I am suppose to call him later when I get off work he really needs someone to vent to. His parents have passed as well and doesnt have allot of family. Seeing him next Friday should be good. He was best friends with LR in high school for awhile but he knows what kind of asshole he is. Crazy how shit works out.

I cant believe I let him do this to me.

Its Saturday morning and again I have let LR make me question myself. I think I am usually a strong person and usually dont take shit from anyone and dont care what others think of me. However last night my daughter ask to go to the football game with her boyfriend and his family. How could I say no? She gets straight A's they were going to be supervised and I was dropping her off and picking her up from the school at 9pm. I already know his Mom and I made sure she was going to be there. So I thought sure, you can go. LR calls and then gives me shit because I wasnt going to go all the way back home and be by myself so I stopped at the bar and had A beer. Because I knew I was driving my daughter home. So he thinks again I dumped her off to go to a bar. I know I did nothing wrong but I HATE that I feel I have to explain myself to him. I basically told him to quit trying to play the good parent when for months he hasnt spent 15 minutes with her. Literally!!!! So FUCK him and the horse he rode in on. I just hate this. Then he actually sent her a text at 9:30 and wanted to know if I got her home safe. Like I am the drunk. Again Fuck him.
So I wonder if he will think the same thing tonight when she goes to her friends Halloween party tonight. I guess I will have dumped her there to. She is 12 so of course she is starting to have a social life. And who is doing all the driving and staying home and not partying all weekend like he is. ME and where is he? Who the hell knows. I did do some checking and did a drive by he is living with his drug addict aunt. Ewhhh. But I am the bad person. A drunk has to blame someone. I also see he is continuing to text and call this Dawn woman. The big fat ugly bartender. So I am taking the phone back today as well. To bad for him. I am not paying for him to call other woman and make it easy on him. This could be the beginning of war. Oh well right?

Another day in paradise.

So I was awoken today but a my phone going off stating I had a text message. 5:30am by none other than LR. Stating his misses his family and so on. I stuck to my guns stating the same things that I am not buying it and he always does this. He will destroy us and then want to make crap right. I just cant do it anymore. Once he figured that out he went off. Stating I left our daughter with my aunt and uncle all weekend and partied and that i am a hypocrite for getting mad because he does it. He obviously took her text message on Sunday to mean that she was still with them. Then he stated that this is all my doing and he is taking no blame that I just wanted him gone. I am so sick of his shit. I just hung up on him. I called him to say that he needs to quit text messaging her and actually speak to her and maybe he would get the story straight. She is 12 and bound not to tell the whole story of her weekend over a damn message on a phone. He still believes her and I dont care because even if I did it doesnt compare to the shit he has pulled since I have been back with him. I just want to look him in the face and yell "FUCK YOU!"
I am just ready for a vacation. My child has been so wonderful and I love her sooo much she is what is getting me thru all of this. What a blessing.

Allot has happened....many changes to come.

I must start out by saying sorry that I havent posted anything lately but allot has happened. To start with LR has moved out of the house. That is pretty major. I do not know where he moved to or how he is doing as we have not spoken since Halloween. It started that morning when I informed him our daughter was going to stay with my aunt and uncle for the evening while I went out. I figured he wouldnt watch her as he runs every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Plus I just didnt want to leave him with her due to the drinking. I guess that really ticked him off. He asked how could I do this to him etc. DO WHAT??? This was the first time I was going out on the town since we split. He has been out a million times. I guess the old saying is right "Whats good for the goose isnt always good for the gander"

So I went out and had a really good time. Got a hotel run so I didnt have to drive. My cousin was suppose to split it with me but he hooked up with my friend S again. So I was alone but that was cool. We meet up with "the other woman" that night to. She ended up hating the guy she had just broken up with...you know the one LR caused. She hated on that guy because he tried to get with me that night. HA HA HA kinda ironic right. But I aint having nothing to do with him. Not my type.

The rest of the weekend was quiet. I stayed in. My daughter went with her little boyfriend and his mother to a parade Sat night and to her friends Monday night for a little while to play. So I have had some time to just kick it around the house and chill.

Now comes the time when I have to figure out. WHAT IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO? I cant afford the house and yet I cant afford to move out either. I am behind on bills and cant save a dime due to the other household expenses. I dont know if LR is going to give me any money and here comes the holidays. Damn the stress is incredible. The not knowing. My aunt keeps after to just go rent a room somewhere. But I have a daughter and I dont want to move in with some strangers. Yes she did it but times I think were different then. I just dont know. I think by it will be months before I am foreclosed on so there is a part of me that says fuck it! ride is out and see what happens. At least the holidays will be passed us by then and my daughter will have normalcy for a little while. I think I need a counselor or advisor to steer me thru this.
My biggest fear is LR winding up in jail or dead somewhere and god damn I dont want that. He may be a big ass hole but I dont wish anything on him.

Please leave comments if you have any words of wisdom. I sure could use them.