The unknown

Well I still dont know if LR has a job today or not. As of last night he told me they dont know anything yet that maybe tomorrow he will know more. Cant tell you how that will screw things up more. Bills are already tight and he just now paid Septembers mortgage. As you know I am trying to get out of there. Who knows maybe this is a sign for us to just ditch the house and go our separate ways. Our credit is already screwed due to all of the drama this past year.

Another glitch is LR's father is now back in town. He is also a drunk and a mess with no job and hasnt had one in awhile. I think I wrote about him before. I just thank goodness he isnt staying with us this time and mooching off of us. Last time he stayed with LR's sister and ran up a hell of a phone bill and then left. Well the great one is back. So I can expect weekends again will be filled with even more drama added to this mix.

I have been asked to a couple party's/events this weekend so I guess I have to get on the horn and look for a sitter for my daughter. Ahhh to do adult things. Cant wait to just relax amongst friends and escape from this hell I have been in. (for a little while at least I do have to go home...blah)

Just when you think it cant get any worse...

Just when you think it cant get any worse LR just called and said there is a good chance he is losing his job. Great right? What the fuck am I going to do now?

Same old shit.

Yep this weekend was like any other. LR did his drinking thing at the bars and driving home completely shit faced except this time on the motorcycle. He wont learn at all. When he does come home he insist on doing what I call "drunk talk" to me and insisting he hasn't done anything wrong. Same old speech just different weekend. This is what I hate the most. He doesn't realize that what he is doing is what caused the break up. Running to bars, whoring around and driving home drunk and disrupting the house hold. He sounds like a 3 year old when he says he wont stop now since I wont take him back. He was doing this when we were together so I just tell him to get out of the room and go pass out. I hate him sounding childish. I am not sure if he saw the other woman or not I didn't really speak to her this weekend. Wonder if I will hear from her today.

This weekend however I knew he was with his mother on Saturday night and I called her and cussed her since she let him drive home drunk on the bike. Which is over 40 minutes away at 11:00pm at night when the deer are horrible this time of year. She insist no one could stop him. I beg to differ. I am tired today since LR came in late and drunk last night and kept me up. Damn I have to move.

A good point about this weekend is my daughter and I went to this awesome Apple Harvest festival and had a great time. The weather was perfect and I got to spend time with my aunt and uncle that I don't get to see much since they live farther away. I cant wait for next years festival. I am definitely taking money everything was so much cheaper.

So starts another week...wonder what will come my way. I know I have to work this Saturday to get extra money. I am hoping for a sitter for after work on Saturday so I can go to a adult party my Aunt is throwing. It would be great to get out and NO I am not asking LR he would just be drunk. So I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Happy Monday!!!

Weekend is here....

This week has been such a roller coaster ride. LR and I are of course still on the outs. However now he has turned into just asking for sex all the time. There is no "Hay I miss you" or " I love you" its just simply him wanting sex. He also continues to think he is the victim and he did absolutely nothing wrong. So I just blow him off. This is harder than I thought just living with him. I am hoping this weekend goes a little smoother than the last.

I am still talking to the other woman. You know the old saying "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" Well that's the mission now. Its still in the back of my head that she can be using me as well. Whatever right?

LR's mom and I spoke yesterday and I told her I am really worried about him. The drinking and driving and suicide talk has me really concerned. I have this gut feeling that something awful is right around the corner. She sounded upset and like she knows its coming as well. I hate having to live my life this way because I know god forbid is something does happen I will blame myself again just like I did with my father. I have moments where I just want to give in and say we are OK now, but on the other hand I don't want the rest of my life to be this way. The other woman and running all night at bars is just to much. But worrying about him is also to much. A big part of me regrets coming back. If I didn't the other woman would be dealing with this.

Anyhow my daughter is doing great in school so I am taking her Halloween shopping this weekend and maybe to dinner tonight and getting her hair cut. Man she is growing up. She has this little boyfriend (I know the mother) and he bought her a pair of ear rings yesterday she was so happy and cant stop talking about him. She really is the sunshine in my life right now.

I wish anyone who is reading this a great weekend. (I have a feeling no one is) But if you are happy Friday.

The other woman

So much has happened. I am really not sure where to begin. First off LR of course went out Friday night. I knew he must be seeing the other woman (the one he had his last affair on me with) as I knew he went and saw her at the bar the other weekend and that she had called him. The tip off was he took his work phone. This he never does. I pay for his personal cell and can check the records. So he comes in around 2am and of course passes out. I check the work phone and sure enough they were talking on it proving me right. That this was more than him just stopping in the bar and leaving once she got there. That was the story a couple weeks ago.

Saturday rolls around and I say F it and head out for a beer when I got off work. LR had taken our daughter to his sisters for the day. Not sure what made him do that he never does anything with her. But anyhow I headed to the bar where my x boyfriend was to tell him that I was sorry for LR coming in there from time to time starting crap with him. He was ok and understood. It was good to see old friends from in there. However I was advised that when LR was in there he had been hitting on one of my old girlfriends. He didnt know I knew her. She told him to go F himself and I died laughing. It obvious at this point that me telling him it was over is for the best. Later that evening I guess LR had enough of our daughter and he himself wanted to go out. So I was home by 8 because lord knows the drama it would cause if I didnt. At 2am again he arrives home, except this time he climbs into my bed and starts the old line of how he loves me and he hasnt done anything wrong etc. I tell him to get out of my bed that he you dont be with another woman and then climb into bed with me. GROSS. He calls me crazy and finally goes away after a half hour.

My next step as I lay there pissed is to send a text message to the other woman. Long story short her and I are now on speaking terms. It seems he did go in there and ask for her back and even told her new boyfriend that he would get her back. She said her speaking to him has been to tell him to F off and go home. She also advised me that on Saturday after she cussed him out he went to another bar and tried to pick up a 22 year old. He is a mess. He has still been wearing his wedding ring around me to make it seem like he wants us back but I have also been advised he takes it off as soon as he leaves the house.

I confront him Sunday morning and show him the text messages. He says she is lying about everything and he doesnt even know what her boyfriend looks like and he wasnt in there this weekend and that I am crazy etc. However yesterday he finally admitted he did go in there but never asked her back. I believe her because everything she is saying he has at one point said and done to me.

Yesterday the other woman sent me another text saying my wonderful sister in law has poked her nose in this and has contacted her and they are suppose to go have drinks. Wonder what will come of that. Who needs enemies when I married into a family like this. Lying, sneaking, playing both sides bastards.

Will it never end?

The story of my life just never ends.

My husbands father is currently residing in Virginia. Very close to Tennessee. He has no job and hasn't had one really in over a year. He gets one and it doesn't last. He is also a drunk with 2 failed marriages and now this relationship where within 3 weeks of finding this girl through a private detective. (she was a old girlfriend from middle school he swears she is the love of his life) He quits his job and moves down there to be with her. DUH it isn't working out. He has come back up here I know 5 times within this year. He states she is crazy and she has thrown him out. He keeps going back down there. When he is here its miserable. He doesn't look for a job he has run up phone bills by calling her and it just sucks. The drinking etc. Anyway last night I heard my husband (I will now call him LR) talking on the phone to him and all be damn it sounds like he is coming back up here...again. He use to stay upstairs well since LR and I have split up that is where I am staying. So this should be interesting. I don't have the money to feed that man and the other extras like bathroom items and so on. I pay for all of that. I am not certain that this is happening I just over heard a phone conversation. God I hope I am wrong. That's all I need is the two of them drunk and sitting around woman bashing.

Lets keep the fingers crossed he picks some other place to go.

I love old people

Last night after I was done with dinner and the usual errands and cleaning up around the house I was sitting on my porch and enjoying the quiet. I live in a very small neighborhood out in the middle of no where. Across the street is a older gentleman who I just adore. He must be in his eighties and he lost his wife a couple years ago. His daughter does live next door with her husband and a couple kids. (more about her later) Any how I got to thinking as I watching him putter around his yard and looking busy. What I am going to be like at that age? Where I am going to be living? Will I be happy? and will I have done everything I want to do? To me he genuinely looks happy. Sometimes a little lonely but he keeps busy. His daughter in my eyes doesn't do enough for him and that irritate me. He mow es her yard and even gets her mail and takes her kids places. She literally does nothing. She will admit that she is lazy. Since I lost my parents I really hate to see people treat there parents like that. Any how the old man really got me wanting to get my crap together and start being happy. I am in my early 30's and I want to find myself and stop all the drama that I have seemed to fall into to. I don't think its to much to ask I think I have put my time in and you cant say I haven't tried.

When I was in middle school and early high school I volunteered at a retirement home maybe I can even start that back up. I love there stories and advise. They also know what they are talking about. I need advice anyway I can get it these days.