I am so sick of drama

Well I never did get to go out this weekend as I hoped I would. I did get out for just a few Friday night while I waited for my daughter to get home from the movies. It was pretty much typical I was approached by someone (a guy) who knows LR and myself and stated that LR is blaming me etc. for all of this, however, this guy did state he knows this is crap because he also sees how he is and how is is with other woman. At least I now know I am not crazy. While I was broke this weekend and doing things with our daughter. The stupid asshat I am married to was out partying and spent $327.00 in booze this weekend. I am also thinking he is back on cocaine. He has dropped a awful lot of weight in these 7 weeks.

It really pisses me off that I go broke doing things with our daughter and making sure she has what she needs and he is off partying it up and wasting money like that. Mean while at the end of this week we will be behind 2 months in mortgage. He didn't come home again this Saturday night and when I came back from the store and my families on Sunday he was already passed out cold and it was 6:45pm. So obviously he drank the whole time. I hate my daughter seeing that shit.

I approached him last night and just told him everything I was thinking. Told him to go ahead and just move out. He is more of a pain in my ass and doesnt contribute a fucking thing to the house or to our daughter. I asked him to remember when was the last time he spent even 15 minutes with our daughter and really did anything with her. I honestly cant remember. I also told him all about how I felt about his piece of shit family. He couldnt really say anything as he knew I was right. So I am hoping he is working on finding a place to move to.

I am taking a deep breath and wishing for my prayers to be answered. One good thing is coming my way and I have gathered up a group of people to go out on Halloween and I cant wait. Getting a hotel so no one is drinking and driving. Damn!!! you can drink responsibly. See LR. And I dont do it all the time so I can go out with a clear conscious and have a good time. Lets hope these plans dont get screwed up cause I really need to let off some steam. Oh and the other woman and I might meet up that night to for drinks again. ha ha out of this I may have gained a friend.

Nothing new really

Not a whole lot has changed since my last post. LR is still pissed and is a bear to be around. (when he is there) For instance last night he went out drinking and came home around 9:30 pm and proceeded to send me text messages. They started out asking me out for a date. When I shot him down they turned nasty. Saying things like "you make me sick", "leave me alone", and "I hope your friend gets hit by a truck". I am still wondering what friend he was talking about. When the nasty ones started I never responded to him. Yet they kept on coming. They finally stopped close to 11:00 pm. So I am tired once again.

I am praying for a nice weekend. By babysitter fell thru for Saturday. That is bummer because I really needed a night out. I think I will be able to go out for happy hour tonight and catch up with some friends. I wont be able to stay out as my daughter will be just spending a couple hours at a friends b-day party. And I of course have to work OT tomorrow morning. Someone has to.

Just keep your fingers crossed that no drama this weekend. Geesh...what am I talking about this is my life. Duh of course there will be drama until I move out. Someone smack me if I ever go back again.

So he is hurt and pissed now

So today LR is pretty ticked off. After we slept together I guess he figured everything was back to normal and the fued would be over. I am not sure why he thought that when I told him before we did it that nothing was going to change. last night he was doing dishes and being all lovey. But I havent received a apology and even been sat down and said ok this is what is going to change this time. Come on now I just dont understand him. This morning he got up didnt say a word to me and just stormed out of the house. He sent me a text message saying he is now sorry for sleeping with me and figures he is just to late this time. Also making it seem like I have some one else. Hell know I dont have anyone. He has made it so I trust no one. I am not dragging some one else into this hell of a life I have. I need to work on myself first and get moved out etc.

This is just so fucked up.

Big mistake I made

The weekend oh were to begin. Friday I had the day off of work and was able to get allot accomplished. Friday evening LR decided to stay home and I guess try and prove a point to me. Saturday morning I had to work. When I came home I realised he had gone thru my stuff and found a card that goes with roses from a guy I was seeing when we were separated. I didnt mean to keep that and thought I had gotten rid of everything when I moved back. But whatever he knew it was from when we werent together. LR then went out that evening and after snooping around I found out that he was with one of the woman I have heard about. Sunday morning he comes upstairs and brings me breakfast in bed. This guy is just to much right? He tells me he isnt sleeping with this girl that she is to fat and they are just friends. She is fat. But I dont believe him. So I head out with my daughter to my aunt and uncles to watch the race and football games. He calls and wants to buy us dinner and watch the game with us. When I do get home there is only a inning left in the game and like $50.00 worth of take out. So duh I am going to eat it. His is a great charmer.

This is where I make the mistake. I fell asleep on his bed watching the game. So this morning he starts fooling around with me, I will admit it was nice and I miss it, I miss the sex and affection. I tell him ok but this isnt going to change it. So we did, we had great sex. Here lies the problem. He has been texting me and acting like we are all better again. So I finally replied that I dont think what we did was a good idea. Obviously. I don't want my heart broke yet again. The is not allot left of me to destroy. He doesn't seem to happy now. What he has to realize is he caused this.

Ah what a way to start a week.

Jo Dee Messina's "Bring on the rain"

"Another day has almost come and gone Cant imagine what else could wrong Sometimes Id like to hide away somewhere and lock the door A single battle lost but not the war (cause) Tomorrows another day And Im thirsty anyway So bring on the rain Its almost like the hard times circle round A couple drops and they all start coming down Yeah, I might feel defeated, I might hang my head I might be barely breathing - but Im not dead Tomorrows another day And Im thirsty anyway So bring on the rain Im not gonna let it get me down Im not gonna cry And Im not gonna lose any sleep tonight"


Jo Dee Messina's "Bring on the rain"

Ever feel like your life has been a joke?

On Monday I received a text message from whom I am calling the other woman, asking me if I still wanted to meet for drinks. This is the woman whom LR went in to the bar searching out about a month and a half ago. The one I have been texting back and forth. The one he says is lying and he never asked her to be back with him. So I reply sure. I knew LR was home and was trying to play good parent after he never came home on Saturday night or has he spent any time with our daughter etc. So when I got there dinner was completed and homework was started. So I replied to her sure what the hell. So I get ready and LR of course has to ask were I was going etc. (side bar I never ask him or call him once he out) So I tell him and the look on his face was price less. He says they are just going to fill your head with shit. You see his step sister is friends with the other woman and is the bartender in there as well. I arrive to the bar and of course we hit it off by rehashing the past couple years with correcting all the lies he has told each of us. I also learned that not only did my sister in law meet with her a couple weeks ago but also my mother in law. Both asking her if she would go back with him. Now isnt she fucking lovely. She and I were really close she said I was a daughter to her and we partied all the time even when LR and I werent together we still hung out and did tons of stuff. She was like a best friend. Also why would she fucking do that to my daughter. Why not work on her son and keeping her granddaughters family together? I was at a loss. The other woman told me tons of stuff that just buried LR even more.

As I am sitting there talkind to her LR is texting me and I am just cracking up. Telling me I should be home its a work night etc. Like me going out one time makes me a horrible Mom. Never mind he stays out until 3:30am or never comes home. What a loser.

I asked him to move out yesterday morning. However he says he cant and wont. So I am stuck there with him for awhile. Great. Last night he actually asked me to go on a cruise or trip with him. He got some offer for free tickets. I just laughed at him and told him to take whomever he is doing now. How can he ask me that after he knows I know everything now. Oh thats right he still denies he has ever did anything wrong. That the three people who told me things about him and do not know each other are all lying on him. I asked him why would they lie and he said he cant seem to figure that out. So I ask him where was he then Saturday night and he wont tell me. That to me is admitting guilt.

I hate him at this point. And just want him out!!!!

You might as well put me in the psycho ward

I just confronted LR about Saturday night and not coming home and hearing he was with another woman and about the third person telling me she knew he was cheating on me and didnt know how to tell me. He says it all not true and that he has been true to me and that I just listen to what I want to hear. Man everyone must be against him. The funny thing is none of these people know each other. So how can they all be out to get him. But all he does is repeat that he hasnt done anything. PLEASE SOMEONE COMMIT ME NOW BECAUSE I AM NUTTS.