Today's quote

~Self-worth is not measured by what you have materialistically but how you have presented yourself when confronted with difficult situations.~

TGIF

Well I just heard back from the doctors office. My doctor is not in today so another one returned my call concerning the results of the "loop procedure". It seems I have stage 2 precancerous cells. What happens next??? more hell from what I am hearing. This doctor couldnt tell me exactly because he isnt mine but he said if I was his patient I would be returning every 3 to 4 months for pap smears to make sure it didnt turn into full blown cancer. So more of putting my feet in stirrups and showing my business to the world as they scrap, poke and prod at me. So I am left thinking....how many months can this continue? How many times do I have to go back before I am like every other woman and just have to return once a year? Just my fucking luck. I really dont need this shit along with every thing else that is going on in my life. The worse part is I cant control this and I hate it.

Asshat LR was apparently at the house again last night and took another gun. He is done to having one left. Jesus that man has to desperate he was just there on Tuesday. Also his boss took the phone back from what my daughter has said so there is no direct line to him. Hhhhmmm is he fired now? and does this mean he is still moving on Saturday? I hate not knowing if I have to flee the house tomorrow morning. I am growing more understanding everyday of the thought process people have who hire hit men to take out the X's. (not that I would ever do it, but jesus do I understand why they do)

So on to happier times. I have just a few hours until party time and I really do need to get out and let my hair down and forget about my troubles. I know its only a temporary fix but its sure worth it. My guy friend from up the street just sent me a text asking to take me to dinner and I had to say no. I am afraid that would be considered a date. Why cant everyone just understand that I want a friend right now and not a boyfriend. I just have to many plates in the air. Yes it would be nice to go to dinner but I just dont want him thinking anything else.
Then tomorrow morning I have to get my taxes done and I am praying I get something back to put towards possible rent.

So here is to happy hour and good times this weekend.

CHEERS

Sore as shit

As we all know the east coast got snow and ice. In my area it was more ice than anything. I didnt make it into work yesterday because of it. It took me 2 hours to scrape the sidewalks and dig out my car. I am paying for it today. That is a whole different work out. I am sore as shit and could use a good jacuzzi tub and a nice glass of wine. While I was out there digging shoveling and freezing my ass off "the slut" as I refer to her actually came down with some salt and helped me out. The reason I call her this is she also tried to get with LR while I was with him so what the fuck she was doing helping me out is beyond me. But I will play nice and kill everyone with kindness. Maybe she was just feeling guilty but whatever. I will play this fuck up game and see what she is after.

I did get the annoying phone calls made that have long been overdue to the mortgage company and to a apartment complex in town to see if they had any openings. The apartments are way to expensive. The mortgage company was just a bunch of dumb asses. What part of "I am calling you to tell you I am getting divorced and cant pay the mortgage" dont they fucking understand. I was doing what I thought was right by informing them and seeing what the next step was. Now I am seeing why people destroy the house and then roll the out. They can fall in dog shit to.

As for LR, well he is going to get a wake up call because tonight in my sore state I am going to fill my truck with everything I dont want him taking when he comes back to get his stuff to move out. Also I have a feeling social services will be contacting him soon. Its been 4 weeks since I mailed everything in. So F you LR. Its really sad but I am waiting for him to catch the clap and his dick to hurt when he pees. Thats horrible isnt it?

Anyway its Thursday that means its just one more day until Friday...whoo hoo. Samantha is going to stay with my step-mom so she can play with her niece and do the whole sleep over stuff. So Momma get to play and be a "big girl" as LR says. Ha ha ha. Damn I gotta let off some steam.

Asshat strikes again!

Oh my god what a fucking night and morning I have had. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. OK, so asshat LR spoke to my daughter last night and told her he is moving this weekend. Then says he is stopping by on Saturday to talk to me. So I know right away he isnt coming to talk he is coming to get his shit. I am like what the fuck? Balls up and call me and tell me what in the hell you are doing. I dont want to be there when he shows up with his piece of shit friends etc. Plus dont think you can just come in and take whatever the hell you want.
So I proceed to call him and ask him whats up. It all starts from there. He explains he and this guy have found a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment really cheap and no security deposit as they know someone. "great" I say "nice to know you have found a place meanwhile you arent helping me and your daughter and I maybe homeless". He goes on and on about how this is what I wanted and I wanted to be a big girl and because of that I can take care of her on my own....etc etc. Are you fucking kidding me???? He also said the best line I ever heard. He says these woman who are now talking to me about there experience with him and how he is on drugs etc that they are just lying to me because they are just jealous that they arent getting with him. HA HA HA I cant believe he said that. Best asshat line of the year.

I am in just disbelief that he can act like this. I paid his car insurance for two months and I carry his health insurance which if I didnt I would save allot of money. I also take care of our daughter every day. He doesnt take her except for a couple hours here and there. For him to treat me this way after all these years is just unbelievable.

He also went to the house today and took more things to pawn so he could get more money. You would have thought he would have spent a few hours with our daughter as there is no school today due to snow. No, he was there for 1 hour. His day will come. I wish for stupid things on him. For example it would be great if he fell in dog shit. Or he would be standing in line somewhere and have massive shit pains and cant make it to a bathroom and he ends up shitting himself. Nothing to hurt him but just to make him feel like a asshole.

I need to go work out tonight maybe I will feel better about myself then. Yea a good workout and then to bed. Ahhhhh

A weekend of chillin out

For the first time in a long time so speak I had a weekend of just chilling out at home with my daughter. I very much enjoyed it. I did have to work on Saturday morning but Friday night and Saturday night we were home. I did go and visit a friend Saturday afternoon and see her own home that they just bought. The whole time I was shaking my head because a year ago they got foreclosed on. So in a way it made me a little hopeful on my credit situation because god damn my credit has gone to shit. Sunday we just hit the movie store and subway and had a movie day. It was absolutely wonderful.

With that being said there was a little drama with LR. Apparently when my daughter called on Saturday to give him her new cell phone number he asked her if she wanted to be picked up and taken back to where he is staying with his Aunt and spend the day. She told him no...well actually she had me tell him no because she didnt want to tell him herself. I was very thankful that she didnt want to go. I do not mind him spending time with her however I do not want him taking her back to his place. His aunt and him are both on drugs and I dont want her around that. You would think he wouldnt but with his frame of mind who the fuck knows what he is thinking. In the end he got pissy with me and told me that yes she told him she didnt really want to go as well and that she just needs to call him when she does. Really mature LR, really fucking mature to tell a 12 year old. ASSHAT.

On this weeks agenda I have to make all kinds of calls as it seems I have to be the adult here. I have to call the mortgage company and explain the situation and see how much time I have at the house. Then its on to the bank to see if I can refinance my car loan and make that cheaper and then the insurance company. So lots of fun for me plus I get my test results this week. Keep your fingers crossed on that one. Mainly its going to be stressful.

I can do this....yes I can. Thats the motto I have to live by.

Emotional overload

This week so far as been a little overloaded with emotions. I have gone from a great happy cheerful to crying, mad and now I am not sure how to feel.

Tuesday LR came to house and took some things. First this fucking pisses me off that he can come to the house while I am at work and rummage thru my stuff. I can tell as my drawers were open etc. He took my change, jar and all. Took all of our movies. Thank goodness not my daughters. 3 of his guns and meat from the freezer. The best part about the movies is mostly we had all the DVD's in a CD case for easy storage. However some were lined up on top of the TV in there cases. He actually went thru those took out the movies and put the cases back on top of the TV. Duhhh fucker think I wouldnt notice?? Thats what I have figured out so far. All of this he can pawn and make money for his drugs and booze. What a low life asshat he has become.

On Wednesday I had my appointment with the doctors to take parts of my cervix to test for cancer. I think I have spoken of this before. This was a humiliating and painful experience. I didnt know you had to literally put a grounding pad under my ass check so that I didnt get electrocuted. The rod they use to get sections of my cervix has electricity running thru it. What the fuck??? How barbaric is that??? In 7 to 10 days I should have the results. I left there completely crying and mad all at the same time. But it is done thank god.

My life just seems to never end with the drama. I ask myself what I did to have this karma bought upon me. I have lost my marriage, my health and now I am losing my home. I will get it all back. (except the marriage because fuck him) This weekend though I feel like something wonderful has to happen. Especially after the week I have had. So Cheers!!!!

Weekend BS

Well lets start with my Friday night. I didnt do much just kicked it around the house with my daughter, I knew I had to work on Saturday morning to get OT so that was ok with me. I wish I could have gone to the bar because they had a DJ there and everyone I usually hang with was there. But I guess the responsible parent (duh thats me) keep it together and did the right thing. A old girlfriend of mine sent me a text that night asking me what I was doing the next night (Saturday) I was a little taken a back by this as we havent talked in a couple years as friends. She got a little pissed when I hooked up with a guy who was staying at her house for awhile. I still dont understand this as she is married and this shouldnt have bothered here. But for some reason and I dont know why but man did she ever get pissed. I am thinking its because she liked him. This all occurred when LR and I were split up for that year. Anyway we also work together but thankfully not in the same area. We didnt talk for almost a year and just recently we have been cordial with the hello's etc. We do not speak of the guy at all. So anyway I sent her a message back stating I wasnt doing anything and why was she asking. She wanted me to go to a bar that we all use to go to for Karoke. I was shocked and very curious. So anyone who knows me knows I cant I had to say yes. I had to know what she was up to.

Ok so now for Saturday. LR came and picked up our daughter while I was at work and spent exactly 3 hours and 45 min with her. Whoo hoo father of the fucking year again. Amazing I dont know how he does it. But at least she got to see him. Plus he did leave his share of the car insurance on the table. I had him drop her off at my uncles cause I stopped there to visit and see her for awhile before I went out. So night time hits and dinner with the family is over and out I go for this adventure. Basically she didnt say much to me while I was there so I cant figure out why she asked me to come in there. However it was good to see some friendly faces that I havent seen in awhile. My x boyfriend was in there and we hung out for awhile and caught up. He ended up calling me at 11:30 last night but I didnt answer, I hope he isnt thinking about trying to get back together. He had to many issues and lives in the bars. One of the reasons I got rid of my husband. At the time I was seeing him it was perfect because I needed to party and drink away my sorrows. This time its different though and I am not looking for that. Although the sex was good. Hhhhhmmm maybe a booty call may be in order. Nah.. I am just kidding. That was it for Saturday night.

Sunday I just stayed in bed. I was tired as hell and ate some bad lunch meat and ended up throwing up around 4pm. So I was in bed and out by 8pm.

Tonight I dont have my daughter so I may go hit a happy hour. I hate going home to a empty house. I am just not use to it. LR's mom has her and she is having fun since there is no school. So I am happy for her but sad for myself. Maybe I can hook up with the x and get that booty call. HA HA HA HA

TTFN