A parents poem

I love this poem and it reflects how I feel about my daughter. Especially after her experience last night and not making the team. I hope I guide her thru life with everything she needs.

A PARENT'S PRAYER
They're only little once.
Grant me the wisdom to guide them down the path that their feet should take.
For I know that they can never turn back and walk those paths with me again.
Give me the wisdom to guide their feetso that someday they'll be able to walk alone.
They're only little once.
Give me the time I need to enjoy them.
For I know that after they're grown, I'll never have another chance
to tell stories and pretend at those tea parties.
I'll never have another chance
to watch them in a school play or sing in church, or to see them catch that first fish or score that first goal or hit that first home run ball.
Give me the time in life's busy scheduleto have fun with my children.
They're only little once.
Let me be a loving parent.
Let me correct and not just punish, explain and not merely scold.
Let me know when to correct, and how often, and when it's best to just look the other way.
Help me be patient and give me a gentle hand to mould them into better people.
They're only little once.
Let me be a good teacher and an even better example.
Give me the right words and deeds to teach them.
Help me to teach them about You and how to walk in Your ways
so that when they are old they will not depart from Your ways.
For they're only little one time,
only innocent and trusting and pliable for a space of time, one minute in an eternity.
Let me do my best for them while I have the chance.
Amen
~~ Author Unknown ~~

Heartbreak

Well here is goes. My daughter did not make the volleyball team last night. My heart just broke for her. I am very proud of her though she didn't break down in front of her friends or her father and I until we made it to the car to go home. She is one tough cookie. What pisses me off about the whole thing is how unfair these school activities really are. First they charge you to try out. That cost $25.00, they don't come out and say they are charging you for this. But what else is that cost going for because you don't get it back if they don't make the team? The other thing is all the girls who made the team were either friends of the coach or were on her team outside of the school. Next was how she told the girls who didn't make it. She took them into the hall way told them and then said they had to sit in the hallway until there parents arrived to pick them up. Meanwhile the others are in the gym having a good time and playing. The doors were wide open for those who didn't make it to see. I cried with her and my motherly instinct wanted to kill the coach. I knew there was a chance my child wouldn't make the team and that's fine but how it was done was completely wrong. I want to do something fun with her this holiday weekend and take her mind off of it. Something really has to be done with these school activities. No wonder the kids are really mean in school now to each other.

Anyhow I am looking forward to this weekend and hope there is no drama. It would be nice to have just one weekend with no drama of any kind. Maybe I will play the lotto tonight and my life can change. Keep your fingers crossed. :)

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED

Well I am going to keep my fingers crossed. My daughter is trying out for volleyball tonight and I praying she makes the team. They are only taking 14 girls and over 30 showed up for last nights clinic. So I pray that she makes it because she seems to really be into it. And its great exercise for her and some bonding with the girls. I love seeing her interested in something and smiling and carrying on.

As for the home life the man is still trying to make up for this past weekends and the many before. We will see what this 3 day weekend brings. As of right now he is saying he will go with me to a friends cook-out. I am not holding my breath on that one. But I will say he is trying and I have to realise that he has a problem. I know that is no excuse but Monday thru Thursday we seem to be great. I just wish he could be like this all the time.

Another one of those weekends......

Well the weekend went just the way I thought it would. My husband continued to run all weekend and drink to excess. Sunday again was another late night that kept me up until 1 am when I have to get up for work at 5:15 am. So I dragged ass again on Monday. It's really beginning to wear on me physically and emotionally. My daughter is starting to make comments again as well about all the drinking and running he has been doing. I did however give in a and have a couple beers on Saturday when my girlfriend dropped in. But damn it's nothing like his. The little white lies are also pissing me off. Like he will come in and then say "I wasn't in bar" as he is standing there drunk and reeking of the bar. He knew I was pissed. He didn't make it work yesterday so that is a day without pay. We need the money in a bad way and I am working OT to pay for my daughters b-day party while he is spending his on beer etc and then not going to work. I told him I am not happy about the drinking on running. So yesterday he had dinner ready and was acting like he didn't drink but I saw beer in the fridge with some missing. I hate being depressed all the time and that is the way I am feeling because I know I am in a lose lose situation right now. I am to old to be playing the teenage games with him. However I am understanding him because his whole immediate family is a total mess. So in some ways he is better than most in his eyes.

I am very proud of my daughter right now she seems to be doing great so far in school and is ready to try out for volleyball so she is the sunshine in my life and is what keeps me going. I love her to death.

No Alcholol

Okay - This is week number two were I have not drank. I can tell you it has been good. With the state of mind I have been in I figure this is for the best. I am already a very vocal person and express my opinion openly. If you ask me a question I will answer you honestly. However I tend to speak out when I am drinking to my husband. That is not a good thing with the way our relationship has been going. This past weekend I was very happy that I did not drink. He was way over the top with it and hard to handle. If I had been drinking it would not have been good. So I figure this is for the best because I can afford to leave and I have no where to go. So I will just keep my cool and not drink. However last night was of course Friday and he shocked me by not going out. He did drink but just did it at home. This is always better than him being on the roads and out at a bar without me.
I have been thinking that he isn't happy either. The reason for this is many. The over the top drinking. He made a statement on our 15 year anniversary which was Wednesday that there is only 7 more years to go (that is when our daughter turns 18) and he has been saying allot lately that I don't even like him. So I think he is pushing all the blame on me. I do like him and love him but I just cant stand all the drinking and carrying on he does. He went years where he didn't do all of this running and I really was enjoying it. Then the affair happened and it has just gone to crap after that. You can also tell by our anniversary we didn't even really acknowledge it and I thought 15 years was suppose to be one of the big ones. He didn't even remember it until he got to work and had to look at the date. Oh well right. Maybe everyone is right high school sweet hearts never last.
Don't get me wrong when he is not drinking heavily we really are best friends. I know him inside and out and I love him to death. He has been by my side thru the toughest times in my life. But I just think he is on a mission to destroy himself. I hate thinking about that.
Anyhow it's Saturday and I am hoping the weekend turns out better than the last one. Cant wait to run around with my daughter all weekend and enjoy the sunshine.
Adios!

It will never end.

Well this weekend went pretty much as expected. I went and got things done with my daughter to get ready for school and the man choose to get intoxicated to the point where I was disgusted.
He of course found excuses to get that way and this weekend it just so happened to be me. It was (he claims) that I don't love him and I hate him and my family doesn't except him. The story behind my family is my grandmother is up from Florida and doesn't take kindly to him because of the cheating etc. So I was asked to come without him so she wont tell him off. I only see her once every 10 years and she hasn't seen my daughter since she was 5. So I felt I should stop by. I didn't stay but a hour but boy did he use that to his advantage and said he would never go anywhere I wasn't invited. Like I said its a excuse because he rarely goes with me to my family functions. The rest of my family is fine with him and invites him all the time. The all like him and said its my choice to be with him and he is a great guy except for this drinking problem. They all spoke to him while we were separated and even went to the hospital after the accident. So he is being stupid. Its exhausting every weekend. I just want to do things sometimes that does not involve drinking and some normalcy.
Well tomorrow is the first day of school and my daughter is excited and I am happy that she is. She did wonderfully last year and I am praying she does the same this year. My little girl is growing up. My how time flies. She is the best thing in my life right now.

Whooo Hoooo

I am soooo happy to have my daughter home. It makes a home feel like a home when she is there and makes me feel whole. She had a wonderful time just like I knew she would so I am glad she went and that is something she will always remember. I think she is happy to be back to. She was talking a mile and minute and showing us everything. Next up is her birthday so I am going to have to pull money out of my ass to give her a good one. With how messed up last year was with her Dad and I getting back together and the bike wreck and fighting she is owed one. Last years was really nothing but a couple of us in the back yard with no friends.
Anyhow this weekend is us getting ready for her to start school so shopping it is. That's more money right????? Oh well I always promised that my child wouldn't start school with nothing new.
I am staying away from drinking and the bars because I am tired of trying to make things good with the man and I and watching him. I cant live the rest of my life that way so we will see what he does. Stayed tuned until Monday. I have to see family this weekend anyway who are up from Florida and I have a friends b-day party on Sunday so I will stay busy.
Enjoy the weekend.