The Ass Hat

Yes the ass hat can still bring me to tears. I fucking hate that about him. Why can't he just let it go and leave me alone? LR called last night with the same old line saying he just wanted to hear my voice and basically feeling me out and seeing if I am giving in. I didn't! He calls this morning again saying the roads are bad due to ice and was telling me some things I needed to do to the house since the temperatures are below freezing now. The conversation quickly turns to us and I end up in tears. The tears came from me explaining to him why I am not taking his ass back. He is making this all my fault that we are not together. Yes, I told him to get out, however, I had good reason. Duh! he was calling other woman, drinking all the time and lying constantly to me. This isnt the first time. So I kept on asking him what has changed? Whats different this time? I then ask him tell me the last time we had a good time together were we both were not drinking? He couldnt do it. He just kept saying he loved me. Well I have quickly found out that love just isnt enough.

I told him to remember just a year and a half ago when I gave up everything and moved back in with him after the accident. Believing every word he said about how this time it would be different. Within 3 months he was calling the other woman again and drinking heavily. I stuck it out for over a year because I didnt want to put my daughter through this bullshit all over again and I knew the other woman was having nothing to do with him. But it still wasnt right. Now there has been a couple woman that he is messing with along with whisky and possibly drugs. Who in the hell would want all that back? He keeps saying he will get help. I have heard that to many times.

It really sucks to know that your husband has had sex with more woman during your marriage than you have slept with guys in your entire life. It also suck ass to know that the person you are suppose to depend on and trust the most in your life has broken your trust time and time again and has caused you to not even trust your own family. I vent my feelings on this blog because I dont trust anyone talk about these things. Its sad when one person has caused you to become this crazed fucking fruit cake.

Even if he was to get help and go into rehab I still wouldnt take him back as I am realizing we have way to many other issues on our plate. I dont wish anything upon him but I do wish he would leave me alone and only call and talk about our daughter.

Heres to a life of sanity from now on. Damn it where is prince charming when you need him?