SOOO Frustrated

My life seems to just be spinning out of control. The worst part is I don't think I can do anything about it. This finally seems to be affecting my daughter. I have had two nights this week were she has turned and thrown major attitude my way were she became really nasty and gone to her room and slammed the door. This normally is not her and the attitude came from right out of no where. They also occurred after LR's appearance Tuesday evening. So that is the only reason I have come up with. I feel sorry for her so I just tell her that I dont understand her outburst towards me and I really dont appreciate it. That if she has something she needs to talk to me about that I am here. That is all I can really do.

After dealing with the second out burst last night, this morning the jackass calls me and wants to know about what to buy our daughter for Christmas and what I had gotten her. I told him what I had and he was shocked and said that I didnt tell him. Well duh he wont talk to me. So I told him that. Then he starts with wanting to come home etc. I hate him for doing this...he is making it all my fault and he isnt doing anything wrong and still claiming he has slept with no one. I soooo dont believe him. He says he will make it so we can keep the house if I let him come back. He never did answer me about the support I am suppose to be receiving. He ended the conversation by saying we should shop together tomorrow for Christmas. What a fucking joke. Hell NO!!! But I do need to talk to him....Hopefully he will call again. Other wise the child support papers are getting filed.

I had the weirdest dream about him last night. I was trying to save him and our cat from something and I dont know what it was. But I just woke up with this extreme feeling to help him, and the damn cat for some strange reason. I am still trying to rationalize that dream.

The weekend is here and I am serious about trying to change my ways. So I am going to work and get my remaining shopping done tomorrow. I will be alone as my daughter is sleeping over with her grandmother and her neice. So maybe I will get some ice cream and watch lifetime. I need a good cry so hopefully something good will be on. Tonight I am taking my daughter to dinner and stop and maybe see a friend. So I am trying to keep busy.

Heres to changing...