Weekend Recap

I am really not sure how I am feeling this morning. This weekend was either what I needed or I am just in a holiday funk. What I am going thru is just really weird. I dont know how to feel anymore.

Where do I begin. On Friday after work I did go out with the other woman whom I am now referring to as E. We went to the local bar with her roommate A whom is also LR's x-stepsister. So I was already walking on shaky ground. Oh...also E's brothers where there as well. I knew them from LR working with them all. I decided to just go with it and just party on. I wanted to go to see that band I was talking about my cold was kinda keeping me down and I wanted to stay local in case I really started feeling worse I could just bail and go the hell home. We ended up closing the bar down and then going to E and A's house to continue on. During this time LR is calling me but I am not answering. He left a message saying we needed to talk. Sometime while I was in the bathroom I tried to call him. Something I wouldnt have done if I was sober. Luckily he didnt answer. I still have not spoken to him but A did call him and he did answer. So now he knows I was with them. Fucking great....he will use that one against me later. I didnt end up getting home until 5:30 am. I have decided hanging out with them is just not healthy. E is a slut ....duh like I didnt fucking realize that she did sleep with my husband. No wonder he went with her she is a drinker who gives it up easily. Not my problem tho right? Really tho she slept with this dork of a guy that night that she just met. Ewwwhhhh. And he was fucking ugly and dorky as hell.

Once I was home I got a few hours of sleep and started thinking about my child coming home and us getting the holiday decorations up. However she never has come home yet. She is still with LR's family. There is no school today so she decided she wanted to stay. Ughhh. I never did leave the house until this morning. I just sat and had time to reflect on how fucked up my life has become. And how I can fix it? how can I move on? how am I getting money? where am I going to live? will I get child support without a fight? what is going to happen to LR? and damn it I really dont have any good friends. Being married to LR it seems that I gave up all my friends. So I am really alone. This weekend just really bought everything to light.

Going thru a divorce is really life changing. Especially when I am losing so much and my credit is shot to shit and I have no money. I resolved nothing this weekend but I learned I have allot to think about.

I hate the holidays. This is the time of year my I lost my parents. Not at the same time. My mom just about 5 years before my dad. For those of you who dont know my mother was killed in a car accident when I was 17 and my father committed suicide on Christmas eve when I was 23. My grandfather also died in December just last year. So me going thru this shit with LR and now the holidays approaching I think I really need to get my shit together and start just putting my all into getting my act together and start packing and doing allot of kid oriented things to get my mind off all the bullshit in my life. Maybe I did need this weekend alone. :)