A new start

Were to begin. Well I went a looked at the apartment Saturday morning as Friday night did not work out. It is very small and the building is run down. It is basically the attic. But it does have two small bedrooms so my daughter and I could have our own privacy. The landlord is willing to do this on a month to month basis and allow me to take my cat that I have had for 11 years. So my mind is a little more a ease. I am still scared I wont be able to do this on my own but at least I am not trapped in a year lease. So I take the apartment March 1st. Oh I also have to paint the place myself if I want and he will buy the paint. I also have to figure out how to move a 3 story house into a 3 room very small apartment. So that was ok I guess.

Saturday evening I went and saw some of LR's family who I am still close with and friends with. We partied outside since it was nice and then I met up with E and A at bar and continued to have a good time and let off some steam. Sunday I had lunch with my aunt whom I hadnt gotten to spend time with in months. She had my daughter Saturday night which was great as they use to be really close until my aunt got a boyfriend. In case you hadnt guessed they have since split up allowing her time to spend with us again. Which is a win/win in my book cause we are really close.

As for LR there has been no word from him since he told me there was nothing he could do about the checking account he screwed up. I did however hear from his mother who is really pissed off over how is acting and being as a father. She told me he is on a mission to destroy himself. Her and I both agreed this is all just stupid and he needs to straighten himself out. There was something she told me though that struck me the wrong way. She told me to stop being angry...so I thought about it.....How in the hell can I stop being angry when my fucking world has been destroyed? I am losing my home and going to the slum ville in a trailer park neighborhood, my marriage has been destroyed, I have been cheated on, I have a cancer worry, my child lost a father, and I am not getting any support. I think I have a right to be a little pissed off at him and sort of the world. So I say Fuck it I can be mad if I want to right now. I am still being responsible and raising my daughter. Plus I am doing it on my own. I may fail here real soon but I am doing it. I think she meant when I am talking to her about him. But what the hell ever I can be mad at him.

What more can I say? Its what I am right now. If you dont like...I dont care.