The title of this blog says it all...

All I can say today is I have a very fucked up life. This weekend was just crazy. Its no wonder I have to have a drink every now and then. Where or where do I begin???

Lets start with Friday. Hummm I didn't do anything but hit the movie store and subway and stayed in with my daughter. I was exhausted do to lack of sleep from Thursday. It was nice just chilling out at home.

Saturday is when I should have just stayed the hell home. My daughter went with my stepmother for the evening so I had all day. Due to my cousins surgery my family was to all get together and have something for him. I first went to lunch with two of my dearest friends and had a wonderful time. Then I stopped in and had a drink with a ex-boyfriend because I had heard his son was in a bad accident. It was nice to see him and hang out. It came time for the party for my cousin and I invited him along. He knows my family so it was cool. Well this is where it goes down hill. My family is soooo fucked up I just cant believe it anymore. They are all drinking and carrying on when I arrive. I am not. So its a little annoying and J (my X) is just like what in the hell. But we stay for my cousin and everyone is doing fine. We then head to the local bar and see LR's vehicle and we had to choose another bar. Yeah right??? no money but at the bar. This is the good part, at the bar my uncles announces that my aunt has stated she thinks my uncle either has a thing for me or she thinks something has gone on. WHAT THE FUCK???? I real quick change the subject. Drunk people and conversation like that I knew bad things could happen. Not that I didnt want to address it but that wasnt the time or the place. I am pissed today thinking about it. How could she think that??? Then a little while after that my cousin starts in about how he doesnt want J and I together. Again WHAT THE FUCK??? He was great when he was paying for him to come and hang with us and buying dinners and beer and giving us a place to stay so we didnt have to drive home. I just stood up and said enough I am taking you all back to the house. So I dropped there asses off and J and I headed back to his town and hung out. In case you are wondering yes we hooked up and had sex. I have to admit it was nice. I havent had sex in 5 months and it was nice to be with a man again and be wrapped up in his arms. I know it wasnt the right thing to do but I think we both know we needed it.

I just cant believe everything that occurred that night and how much of a mess my family is. I dont have much family and I think I just lost them. I wont feel comfortable around them anymore knowing what she thinks. I am down to one aunt I think I cant on now. What a complete damn mess. Its true you can only count on yourself.

Sunday I just stayed in my house and did not leave and hung out with my kid. She is my sunshine in this crazy ass life. At least she is sane for now.

Tonight I hope to get the key to my new place. Keep your fingers crossed for me that this goes smoothly.