I am about to vomit!

Yes I am ready to vomit. LR and the picture he is trying to paint is making me very ill. Anyhow he sends a text late yesterday afternoon in response to me calling him out that he blew off Saturday with our daughter. He says he didnt shaft her that the weather was to bad to take her fishing. So I shot back with well there is other stuff to do and at the very least you could have called. He said that he wanted to get our daughter for dinner then. Fast forward to me getting home....As soon as I walked in my daughter was ready and said LR was on his way. I walked her down to meet him when I heard him pull up because I was also leaving to run a errand. I asked him how long they would be etc. He replied that he was taking her back to his place for dinner. GREAT! so he doesnt see her for 7 weeks and is going to take her to meet the new girlfriend at his new place. Not "hay lets catch up alone somewhere and let me tell you what I have been doing" Nope just throw her right into it. Once she returned from dinner I had to hear about the plans for this weekend that the old hag discussed with her and how she got to see the bedroom they set up for her and how they are going bowling on Friday and to dinner at this new restaurant the hag wants to take LR and his mom, step-dad, sister and the rest of the family to on Sunday.

This is where I want to vomit. How can you in a month move in with this woman and pretend to play house with my child and now his family is also in on it. I mean is it just me or is this all wrong and way to fast???? I need to know if I am alone in all of this. Old hag I figured out is girl friend number 3 or 4 since Oct. 31 and today that makes 5 months, and he has already lived with her for just about a month. I want to start a bet on this relationship to see just how long this last.

This weekend for me I guess I need to start planning stuff to keep me busy because this is just going to disgust me.

Another douche move from LR

I realized I havent blogged since Thursday during the day so lets try to catch you up on the events.

On Thursday evening I had to go back to the old house (the one that is getting foreclosed on & were LR lives now 2 houses up with the old hag x neighbor) and get my mail. LR said I had stuff from social services etc. With great reluctance I had to go. LR knew I was coming so when I pulled up he was out by his Jeep looking like he was getting something so of course he saw me and walked down and followed me inside. Perfect I thought now we are alone and I can tell him about the divorce etc. I told him what the lawyer said and about how if he didnt contest we could be all done by end of summer. He said he wouldnt and also added "if this is really what you want..blah blah blah" also said he would always love me and how 90% of his life is gone now. What the fuck dude??? You cheated, did drugs, ruined my life, his life and his daughters and you want to question if this is really what I want. And hello if you truly love someone you wouldnt do the things you have to me over and over again. "hell yes" I told him I want this in a bad way. He also asked when he could start getting our daughter. So we went into a whole conversation about her and I explained as long as he called her and she wants to go and he can promise no drinking & driving or bullshit than I am ok with it. I figure she is old enough to call me if she sees anything she doesnt like. I had a conversation that she can call me and I will be right there to pick her up. I left there laughing at him because he followed me around the house and right out to my truck to tell me goodbye and that it was good seeing me. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. He is such a joke and I knew the girlfriend was watching us from the window so I waved.

So that evening he did call her and said he wants to see her Saturday and take her fishing and said he would call her Friday evening as well. Guess what we never heard from him. What a douche move right? So her and I just hung out all weekend and watched Twilight together and ran some errands it was really good mother daughter time. Its his loss. She is great.

I sent him a text message this morning telling him to never do that again and oh yea happy b-day asshole. Yes today is his birthday and I hope he gets the shits for his birthday. Fucking douche bag. The only thing I am grateful for is that my daughter is old enough to realize how he is treating her. I mean come on he hasnt spent any time with her since Feb 16th. He gets the dad of the year medal for sure. The part I hate the most is him telling me he misses her and cant wait to see her. Well then why in the hell dont you get her???? thats my question.

I just keep patting myself on the back for getting out of that mess of a relationship I was in for all those years. Yes its tough on my own and being a single parent with no support financially etc. but its so worth it not to have the drama anymore.

Heres to me...cheers

Could be a single woman this summer.

I went to see a lawyer yesterday after work for a consult. He was very informative advising me on the bankruptcy I want to file and divorce. I was advised that since LR is now living with a woman and if he doesnt contest the divorce this could all happen in 3 months time. WOW!!! I did send LR a text yesterday before my appointment and asked him if he would contest anything and he said "nope". I got the thinking how could he. First of all he is living with another woman and second what would his girlfriend say if he fought me for a divorce that I am paying for and trying to speed up. Of course she would give him a bunch of shit and he is dependant on her for a place to live right now. So I can really see this happening quickly. Walking out of that office I really could see my new life beginning. All the years of drinking, affairs and now drug abuse will all be in the past and I wont have to deal with him or his problems any longer. Its a relief and that is why I am keeping my fingers crossed that this goes through smoothly. This is going to be costly to file for both things but it will really be worth it. My step-mom has been my angel in waiting and she is going to be helping me with the funds.

Yesterday must have been my lucky day, actually ever since this weekend its been great. I havent been able to say that in a very long time. Anyway I won the weekly drawing at the bar for 151.00. Whoo hoo. Thats some cash in my pocket for the weekend. Who knows maybe P will call and ask for a date. That would be the cherry on top.


Its kinda nice seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that was dark and gloomy for so many years.

It's lawyer time. Ohhh yeah!

I have been trying for about a week now to get in touch with a lawyer. I wanted one that did both things divorce and bankruptcy. There isnt many that do both in my area. Finally one of the ones I was trying to call answered and low and behold they have a appointment for tomorrow for a consultation. Whoo hoo. Lets see how much this is gonna cost me. I am scared I will admit because I dont have any money but I think my step-mom may help with this. I have to run home and tally up my debt and get all my information together and questions I want to ask. Tomorrow should be interesting and informative. At least this will lead me in the right direction of what to do next. I hate to file for divorce but at this point in my life I have no choice. I cant pay rent and the normal funds it takes to raise a daughter on my own and pay my credit cards. Again I take a hit because I made a bad choice by trying to make things work with my low life of a husband. Ughh never again.

I never heard from P last night and I really didnt think I would. He and I are allot alike in the manner that we both are stubborn and probably are both waiting for the other to call. We also have allot of baggage with the X's and are cautious about getting in a relationship. The worst part is I like him. I will have to push this to the back of my head. Its hard because I will get to working and then he will just pop into my head. Something he said or did and then I just smile. Wonder if I will see him around this weekend? Who knows...push it away...push it away.

My daughter is happy. I hooked up the computer for her last night and its just in time because she advised me she has a paper do on Friday. Its working great and much faster than that old piece of shit we had. Thank goodness for friends.

D the guy up the street that I know likes me keeps on sending me texts trying to hint around as to why I wasnt around this weekend. I really need to set him straight to back off, if I havent shown any interest and turn him down all the time for the past 7 months you would have thought he would have gotten the hint. But apparently not. I told him I had other plans.

Ok - time to sign off allot to do so I can get ready for tomorrow.

Cheers

Biker Boys -OMG What A Weekend

What a crazy fucking weekend. It was fun less the blow up with LR but I will explain more about that later. On Friday my daughter went with LR's aunt so I headed next door to my normal hang out under the impression that "ok just a couple" because I had to work Saturday morning. I also was a mess to look at because I knew I would be out of there early before the big crowd came. That was the plan

As soon as I walk in the normal happy hour locals are there and I say hello and sit down. When I looked to right down the bar sat this guy "P" as I am going to call him and his buddies. I met P at the Nascar Daytona party in January. Yes he is the scary biker that most would run from because of the tattoos and the biker get up. But I grew up with this and loved his smile and assholeness if that makes since. Yes I like the bad boys. But he just puts on that front but I know better because we talked alone at the party and his boys werent there. I got word the week after Nascar that he came in asked my friend about me and could he get my number. She eventually gave it to him after asking me. I was like what the hell. But he never called and I didnt see him again until this weekend. So I saw him down there and I didnt say hi. I dont do things like that if he is interested he will come to me. I was gabbing to my friend for a little over a hour I could see him starring and eventually I guess after beer courage he sent a drink over with a message saying I was a snob. So I one upped him and sent him a shot with a F you message because I knew in front of his boys and the bad ass attitude he was throwing I would win. And I did. He asked me to go to another bar with all of the them to hear a band. You know me...I did. That was a 3:30 in the morning return home. I met up with them again Saturday night and had a blast. Not sure what will become of all of this. But it was a great time. They also belong to a very big bike club and I know as soon as LR hears I went out with this guy all holy hell will raise. But Fuck him I had a good time. Worse thing is I think I like this guy allot but the family will hate him because they will just hear the club he belongs to and the tattoos etc. What do I do?

The blow up with LR was me telling him exactly how I feel. That he sucks as a father etc. I mean yelling it etc. He doesnt care I passed him on the road on Saturday after that and he turned around in the middle of the road to talk to me and saw I had beer in the back of the truck and asked for one and then told me I look good and was trying to be all charming. What the hell is wrong with him? I told him to get in front of the truck so I could run his ass over. He just laughed at me. I hate him so much.

At least I had a good weekend. Hope to have another one just like it.

The weeks End

This week has just been a little hectic. At work we are extremely busy and not enough help. Due to the economy they will not hire anyone else. So its put out more work and kill yourself. Oh and no raises this year. Yes I am very grateful to have a employment but on the other hand I am tired and wore out for this job. I also have to work tomorrow for OT. I do need the money. Especially since I got screwed by a so called friend. On Wednesday evening I went to the old house so my friend could get the washer/dryer and went to her house and chatted and helped set it all up. When it was time to leave and I asked for the money the bitch actually said "oh Mike has my checkbook" Why would her x-boyfriend have that? Then she said she would stop by last night with the money. Yea I sent her a text asking what time she would be by and she ignored my text and email. So I guess I am out of that money. You guessed it I got screwed, not to happy either.

I also have not heard from LR he was suppose to have his half of the car insurance. I am so tired of being screwed over by people. All I try to do is the right thing and I seem to be just getting run over by everyone. I also told LR on Monday that I really wanted to talk to him and settle some things that I had mentioned in my previous post. Nope he never called or anything. Its not like he is fucking working or busy.

The "OLD HAG" also approached my friend D on Wednesday when he helped my friend and I with the washer/dryer she asked him what he was doing helping me and then told him about some of the comments I made about her to LR. It's nice he tells her what I say about her. I find that funny as shit. Bring it on old bitch.... My friend who also got the washer/dryer use to be a pot head and pill popper before she settled down 3 years ago with her daughter. She informed me she use to get drugs from the old hag and knows she still uses. That was very helpful info for me. Just another reason why I need to get a hold of LR and inform him that hell no just leave me and my daughter alone and dont screw up things with her.

This weekend my daughter is going with LR's one aunt that I like and I think I am just going to chill out tonight and then go to a bonanza tomorrow night. All close to home and hopefully NO drama will find me. I can hope right?

Cheers!

The dickhead move

For some f'd up reason LR seems to be calling more now and I am really confused. He has moved in the with "old hag" and he calls more now then when he was just living with his druggie aunt. I cant figure it out. He isnt calling his daughter only me. For stupid fucking reasons. Yesterday I had the day off and he calls and said he saw my truck and knew I wasnt at work and wanted to know if everything was ok. What the fuck??? Thats why I didnt want him living anywhere around me. Dont call me asshat. I just simply told him yes and didnt offer up any explanation for me being off. I dont think he liked that but screw him. I did tell him that when he had some spare time I really wanted to talk to him. I want to know what he plans on telling our daughter about him moving in with our old neighbor and whats he going to do when she starts to get made comments to from the mean boys in the neighbor about her father shacking up with the old bitch. I am really concerned about her and how this is going to screw with her head. She is amazingly well and I dont want this to mess her up.

Yesterday I waited on the cable guy and went to the Laundromat. Man I forgot how many strange ones go there. This old woman started telling me her whole life story and how her kids are all messed up and how her daughter sleeps around and son uses drugs. I never even said hello to her and she just comes over while I am folding clothes and starts in. I swear if I start to go psycho someone please put me out of my misery. I was thankful she came in as the clothes were drying and almost done.

Today is beautiful and I cant wait to go outside and walk around. My daughter got me into the Twilight books and now I have to get book 2 I finished the first one last night and I am hooked. I thought it was going to be stupid and I was wrong. So we may park a little further away in town and walk to the bookstore and hit some of the little shops since its so nice.

Cheers!

The big move for LR

Ahhh the weekend drama. Will it ever end? No, I dont think it will. It seems to trail behind me like a puppy and then at times comes right up beside me and irrates the shit out of me. Just like this weekend for instance. Friday night my daughter went to the movies with her girlfriend so I was able to hit the bar for a couple hours and have happy hour with a old girlfriend that I have gotten in touch with. That was fun and I am glad we are talking again. No big drama there except for that damn girl keeps telling she is getting the washer/dryer and she keeps falling thru on her promise.

Saturday morning I worked and have to leave a hour early because my step-moms car broke down on the way to my house to get my daughter. Luckily she made it to my house but we had to get her a tow truck and I had to take her home. Right after that LR calls me and that is when the real drama began for the day. He was being all nicey nice and then let it slip that he is moving in with the old hag. Yep thats right after just one week of being together he is moving in. Then stated he wants to start getting our daughter etc. WHAT THE FUCK???? Ok lets confuse this child even more. He hasnt really been in the picture in like 6 months and he want her to go visit him and the old hag in the neighborhood she grew up in and only 2 houses away. I dont even know how he would begin to explain that. I have been in the old hags house just once. It was the most disgusting thing ever. She is also a dope and pill head. So I have to quickly get my a lawyer and get on the ball with this. I did give him crap and am hoping he just goes away. I can pray right? Saturday night I went to this b-day party and a huge fight broke out and the place was shut down by midnight so I just headed home.

Sunday was really nice. I slept in until 11:30. I havent been able to do that in months. I never left the house that day it was great. Just chilled out and watched movies with my daughter and read. I miss those days and hope to have many more.

Lets hope this week goes as smoothly as my Sunday went.

Friday is here time to unwind sorta

Its Friday again and man I cant wait to start my weekend. However I am going to be working on Saturday for a few hours to get overtime. This may hurt me when it comes to child support but I really have no choice at this point. I wish someone would tell me if social services will hold that against me.

LR is still with the Grandma and they havent spent a night apart since last Saturday. I think I have finally realized why this is getting to me. It makes me question myself when he gets with these woman. When I say these woman I mean fat, ugly, old, drug addicts, psycho and so on. All these woman have been a mess in one way or another. So it makes me think ok which category do I fall in? Whats wrong with me? am I ugly or fat? I dont do drugs and I take care of my kid so I know I am not one of the woman he got with. But it does make me question myself and I hate that he can do that to me. On the other hand I have begun to realize that he has made me a much stronger woman. Since he has been a complete waste of a person and father I have learned that I can do this on my own. I have done it for 6 months with absolutely no help from him what so ever. My daughters grades have not dropped and she is on the honor roll. So I must be doing something right. The questions are still there though. I am hoping that will pass.

As for the weekend tonight my daughter is going to the movies with her friend for them getting good report cards. While she does that I have to go the old house to help my friend get the washer and dryer. With that money it will help me pay Aprils rent. Whoo hoo. Another month of having a place to live. Once I do that I am going to have a drink and wait for my daughter to return home. It will be a early night since I have to work tomorrow. While I am at work my step-mom is going to get my daughter. Saturday night there is a b-day party I am suppose to go to at the old bar I use to hang out with my x-boyfriend. Yea the one I fell back into bed with just last month. That wont happen again. (I hope) We are good friends now and I want to keep it that way. Sunday will be my relaxing day.

Lets hope tonight I dont run into LR and his "old lady" at the old house. I know he has been staying at her house which is only two house up. The houses are close together. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Raise your glasses here is to the weekend...

The old hag

Some of you may say I am childish or stooping to a low level but I just had to bust his ass about this old bitch he is with now. I called him yesterday and I knew she was with him. I asked about what was left in the house and then I went right on his ass about being with a 54 year old woman with grown kids and grand kids. His mother just turned 50. I was being really ignorant and the best part was he couldnt come back and say anything because she was right there with him. I asked him what it was like fucking a old grandma and what did it look like so I know what to expect in 20 years. I asked if I could call him Pap Pap and does he call her granny. I told him that once and for all he has proven he will fuck anything. It was great...and yes it did make me feel better. I was still pissed over him coming to the bar I go to and bringing her. If he didnt do that I think I wouldnt have been so ticked off and said those things. So judge me if you will but I am sure he would bust my ass if I hooked up with a grandpa.

Even after saying all those things he had enough nerve to ask if I would print off copies of his resume and update it for him. What the hell???? I asked him what has he done for me. I pay his health insurance and sometimes his car insurance. I am still not getting any money to help with our daughter and he doesnt see her. He just responded that he needs a job. So I printed a copy off today and included a note saying have one of your woman update it and retype it for you. I am not doing all that work. Fuck him.

After blasting LR I feel better and no that ok I have moved and getting my life back in order and I am definitely ready for a new start. So come on spring lets get moving along so I can get out and about outdoors and exercise and meet new people.

Tonight is my first outing to the laundramat. Damn I already miss my washer and dryer. Gotta do what I have to though.

Not so peaceful weekend

This weekend I thought would be calm and cool. First weekend in my new place away from the old house and old bullshit. So I thought.

On Friday I knew I had to work so I kept it cool and my daughter and I since it was nice headed to my local hangout where kids are welcome until 9pm and they have great burgers and fries. Since I can now walk over she got some dinner and I had just 3 beers and we talked to our friends and went home by 7pm. Easy night.

Saturday I had to get up early for work and that is where the phone calls and me being thrown back into LR's drama. He called to ask if I was sure everything left at the house was good to be sold or given away. I said yes otherwise I wouldnt have left it there. He started saying "ok I love you" What the fuck is that??? I ignored him and changed the subject and he said it again. I just said goodbye and hung up. After work I head home and get my daughter and I wanted to take her for a bike ride but where we went was overcrowded and no parking. So we went to the craft store and I got things to make her a scrap book and curtains for her room. Thats when the third call ensued. It was LR again asking about some items and then his sister gets on the phone basically crying saying she missed me and how messed up this is that we are losing everything and our things and how the whole neighbor hood is going thru our house. I told her thats fine and LR wanted it this way and I am moving on. LR gets back on the phone with the I love you's. I just dont fucking understand. We head home that night and just chill out. I was exhausted and wanted to paint my place on Sunday.

Sunday arrives and I get up and start painting and my girl friend from work came and helped us. Then third phone call comes from my old neighbor saying the neighborhood was in chaos the evening before and all the lights in the house were left on as well as the front door was left wide open and did I want him to go close up the house. Of course I said yes. Then another call comes from LR's mom complaining about him and how crap went down over there and how the "prostitutes" (thats what she called them) from up the street came down and threw themselves at LR. Ok...the prostitutes are two girls both named Kathy. One my age and married and the other one is in her 50's with grown kids and grandchildren. She is the one who really wants LR (for what reason I havent a clue) So I tell her there story and we hang up. Next call came from the guy up the street that I have been talking to. He fills me in on what happened the day before. This is how great of a guy LR is and shows how bad he needs money for his habits. He was selling the kids on the street his Playboys and knives. Great huh??? Also said LR and this 50 something old bag went out Saturday and stayed together. As of right now they are still together at her house. I am just disgusted. How can he be with someone that old??? Thats right it has to be the drugs and booze. He also cant be alone. So D as I am going to call him met me at the local bar and had a beer with me and was just telling me how all the neighbors where down there and somehow told him where I live. So that is great. LR even went to this bar on Saturday night with the old bat and was checking out where I live. That asshole needs to stay far away from me. I dont go to the places he hangs out so he shouldnt come to mine especially with his new squeeze. No matter how gross she is. D also said LR was telling everyone that I couldnt pay the mortgage so now he is down there cleaning up my mess. Again this is all my fault.

I guess I dont understand men who have no standard in who they associate with or sleep with. No age, weight, or good taste at all.

I have to go back to the old house tonight to get my mail and pick up a couple items I had put to the side. I cant wait to see this freak show. I just wish he would stay away from me and my neighborhood and quit saying he loves me. I dont understand what game he is trying to play at all. It needs to stop and I am happy we have a hearing in April for child support and this house ordeal is almost gone. I am going to try to call some lawyers tomorrow to see if I can get a meeting to file for separation and bankruptcy. Lets get this shit done!!!!

LR and Social Services

I received a call last night from LR, of course I did not answer but he left a message saying to please call him back. He didnt sound angry so I did. He explained that he got the papers from social services over the child support request I had made and he just didnt understand. What the fuck isnt there to understand. He hasnt helped me out with any of her needs since maybe August or September and we were living together then. I started to get aggravated with him and explained that he has become the most irresponsible person I know and did he even remember the last time he saw or spoke to his daughter. (it was February 16th) He tried to blame it on me and even said she doesnt call him either. Hello he is the adult.. I simply said he could see her whenever he wanted I just didnt want her at the drug house he is staying at. He said he had no money to take and do anything with her. I said well you are at the bar every Saturday night. (you will love this) He told me that he made a commitment to the guys at the bar to be in a horseshoe tournament and he wasnt going to let them down. That is when I went off and said "You made a commitment to your wife and child when you got married to but you fucked that up" and I hung up. He then sent me a text message saying I cant be mad because I told him to leave the relationship and leave me alone and he didnt want this to end. Oh really???? I should have just stayed quiet and let him screw other woman and stay out all night and party. I think not. I will see his ass in court. I am not going to let him get off scott free while I continue to bust my ass doing whatever I can for my daughter. Last night I was with her at the library until closing on a school project and then scrounged up money to get her hair cut and this weekend I am working overtime. Meanwhile he is partying. Fuck him!!!!

So tonight I am running back to the old house to see if I received paper work as well. I have to get my daughters bike and some papers anyway.

It is so nice out today that maybe we will go for a walk or bike ride. I wanted to go to the Zoo tomorrow but now I am working in the morning and by the time I get off and head down there it will be to late to spend a good amount of time. I have to come up with another idea. Just as long as I am outside I will be happy.

Here is to another wonderful weekend. Cheers!

Exhaustion

I am finished finally. Yep I moved and I am tired, sore and bruised because of it. However that is fine because its done. Actually I was done on Saturday but I have been unpacking, cleaning and dealing with the school getting my daughters bus route changed. Something I thought would be easy wasnt. Bus drivers are asses. No offense to anyone I hope. The Asshat of a driver went right on passed us even though I was waving her down and she looked right at me. Thankfully that is settled. Thank god for my girlfriends husband. He helped me move my big items with his trailer. It was just him and I moving beds and sofas and the other big items. The rest my daughter and I moved ourselves with many truck loads. I love my SUV without it I would have never gotten in done. And yes in case you were wondering I had no other help. Guess you realize who you truly have as friends and family.

Speaking of family...if you remember in my previous post my aunt accused my uncle of him and I messing around. Well last night I received a phone call from him saying she left the house due to a fight they had where she accused him again. He is the only male family I have living close to me. I needed help with the shower in my new apartment so he comes over and spends two hours total fixing it and this is the shit it caused. Who in the fuck needs enemies when I have my own family. Now my aunt knows me better than that and knows I have more than enough on my plate. Why would she start this shit now? So I guess now I am down to my other aunt as the only family I have left. And even she ticks me off at times. She was home and knew I could use the help moving and didnt. She stayed in her Pj's and had movie day. I would do it for her in a second.

LR has not yet figured out I have moved and I like it that way right now. During one of my many trips the repo guy stopped by for his bike. So I opened up the garage for him and let him take it. LMAO I am sure that is going to really piss him off. It makes me feel good after how he showed me he was upset over his girlfriend dumped him. He is such a fucker. He doesnt need a bike anyway he would only kill himself now. I ran into someone yesterday who said she saw LR and said she knew he was on drugs at that time. It was only about 2 weeks ago. Thats right, same time he told me he was clean. It was been since Feb16th since LR or his mother saw or spoke to our daughter I am curious how long they are going to go. I am growing much hatred for these people.

There is a since of relief that I am now moved and on my way to a real fresh start. In my stomach though I am scared that I am not going to be able to make it on my own. I keep pushing that feeling away and say I have to make it. I have no other choice.

So here it to a fresh start.... : )