It's been awhile

I realized today just how long it has been since I have posted anything. I have no idea where to begin.

My life is still crazy and it seems every time I take one step forward I get pushed two steps back.
The lawyer I chose I seem to have lost faith in. When I went at the beginning of the month to start the divorce he didn't even have the papers. Said he forgot them at his main office. So just this past Wednesday I finally signed them. But not before I found out that "the other woman" has to sign a affidavit that is notarized and a copy of her drivers licence. This was all not told to me during the consultation. I am hoping this woman does sign and I can be divorced.

With the papers in process LR seems to be sniffing around a little more often. In one week he stopped by without calling 3 times. Claims he is dropping off my mail. There are two things wrong with this. First its all junk mail. Second he never did this before, my daughter always brought it home after visits with him. So what the fuck is the deal here? During one of the stops he grabbed me and hugged me and then really quick kissed me. Ewhhh I am sure the girlfriend would not approve. By the way I never let him in and he stands at the door on the outside. ha ha ha ha.

As for my love life. I am still single and alone. However this past Friday I ran into some people I knew when LR and I had our Harley. Well there was this guy there who said I could ride with him. So we all went for a ride and hit a couple places for a drink. It was fun but this guy is now interested in me. I told him flat out I am not looking for a relationship and I thought we were cool. So Saturday we did the same thing all took a ride and had a great time. There was a huge group of us. Now this guy is just like a leech so I have to now lose him. I just don't get men. Is it a since of a challenge when I say I dont want anything but to be friends?

Work sucks like always but I am happy to have a job. My daughter has been wonderful and now the school year is almost over and I have to find activities to keep her busy so that is my goal for this week.

Happy memorial day to everyone.

Sense of accomplishment

Well today is Tuesday and I feel like I have accomplished allot. I am ready to see my lawyer tomorrow and all my paper work is completed for the bankruptcy. Its more like I book I might add. Took me hours to do. That doesn't include the online 30 minute class I had to take. That was a joke. It went thru CCCS which is consumer credit counselors. I had to pay to do that. $50.00. I thought that was all non profit and free. I had to do it for the courts tho so I guess there is my answer. Also while I am there I get to sign my divorce papers. Whew that is coming to a end finally. Cant believe it. My life is moving forward. Finally!

I havent been sleeping and I dont really know why. Things to be going so well right now but yet I cant sleep like I use to. I hope this phase ends soon.

Nothing to speak of in the world of men. I have none and no interest at the moment. I do feel like I am ready to date. Not settle down but date. It would be great to have someone to do things with and a little romantic envolvlement. I guess that comes with time.

Unexpected Feelings

So its Sunday and I am just chilling out today. I have had a nice weekend doing what I have missed the most. Cooking and hanging out with my daughter and her friend. We went to dinner and a movie last night. Saw 17 again and was amazed that it was a really good movie. I thought it was going to be the same old thing, but it wasn't. What I mean by doing what I missed the most is when I was married I would wake up every weekend and cook for my family and do the domesticated things. Like clean, cook, pick up friends for my daughter and just be a family. I have really missed that. Now I am having to drop her off with her father and you really cant cook big meals for just the two of us. Having her friend over this weekend just bought all those feelings back. I love it. I have to do more of that. I hate divorce for this reason it takes the family aspect away. But I am happy he is gone and all that bullshit towards the end that he bought with him.

Feeling #2 that was unexpected...I went to the lawyer Wednesday and had him draw up the paper work and went over what was to be in the agreement. When I walked out I felt empty. I am 34 almost 35 and I have been married more than half of my life. I walked out feeling a part of my identity is gone. Don't get me wrong I want this but I have also always been known for being married to LR. Now that part of me is gone and I have to find a new identity. Does anyone out there understand this????? I didn't expect to feel this way. The emptiness the sense of being alone and trying to become a new person. Its crazy.....one part of me is happy the other is confused. Don't get me wrong I dont want him back he bought to much drama with him. But I am now having identity issues.

I did the right thing I believe this weekend by just having fun with my daughter and not hanging out with my friends. It helps being around her and reafirming to me what is important. I love her friends and I love watching her have fun and be a kid. Mind you I dont think they slept but thats the fun part at there age. She is awesome and made honor roll again and also another award. She amazes me that she is doing better than ever in school while her parents fell apart. High 5 to her.

This Wednesday I say the divorce papers and then they get mailed to LR to sign. Within 3 months this will all be official.