Unexpected Feelings

So its Sunday and I am just chilling out today. I have had a nice weekend doing what I have missed the most. Cooking and hanging out with my daughter and her friend. We went to dinner and a movie last night. Saw 17 again and was amazed that it was a really good movie. I thought it was going to be the same old thing, but it wasn't. What I mean by doing what I missed the most is when I was married I would wake up every weekend and cook for my family and do the domesticated things. Like clean, cook, pick up friends for my daughter and just be a family. I have really missed that. Now I am having to drop her off with her father and you really cant cook big meals for just the two of us. Having her friend over this weekend just bought all those feelings back. I love it. I have to do more of that. I hate divorce for this reason it takes the family aspect away. But I am happy he is gone and all that bullshit towards the end that he bought with him.

Feeling #2 that was unexpected...I went to the lawyer Wednesday and had him draw up the paper work and went over what was to be in the agreement. When I walked out I felt empty. I am 34 almost 35 and I have been married more than half of my life. I walked out feeling a part of my identity is gone. Don't get me wrong I want this but I have also always been known for being married to LR. Now that part of me is gone and I have to find a new identity. Does anyone out there understand this????? I didn't expect to feel this way. The emptiness the sense of being alone and trying to become a new person. Its crazy.....one part of me is happy the other is confused. Don't get me wrong I dont want him back he bought to much drama with him. But I am now having identity issues.

I did the right thing I believe this weekend by just having fun with my daughter and not hanging out with my friends. It helps being around her and reafirming to me what is important. I love her friends and I love watching her have fun and be a kid. Mind you I dont think they slept but thats the fun part at there age. She is awesome and made honor roll again and also another award. She amazes me that she is doing better than ever in school while her parents fell apart. High 5 to her.

This Wednesday I say the divorce papers and then they get mailed to LR to sign. Within 3 months this will all be official.