Allot has happened....many changes to come.

I must start out by saying sorry that I havent posted anything lately but allot has happened. To start with LR has moved out of the house. That is pretty major. I do not know where he moved to or how he is doing as we have not spoken since Halloween. It started that morning when I informed him our daughter was going to stay with my aunt and uncle for the evening while I went out. I figured he wouldnt watch her as he runs every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Plus I just didnt want to leave him with her due to the drinking. I guess that really ticked him off. He asked how could I do this to him etc. DO WHAT??? This was the first time I was going out on the town since we split. He has been out a million times. I guess the old saying is right "Whats good for the goose isnt always good for the gander"

So I went out and had a really good time. Got a hotel run so I didnt have to drive. My cousin was suppose to split it with me but he hooked up with my friend S again. So I was alone but that was cool. We meet up with "the other woman" that night to. She ended up hating the guy she had just broken up with...you know the one LR caused. She hated on that guy because he tried to get with me that night. HA HA HA kinda ironic right. But I aint having nothing to do with him. Not my type.

The rest of the weekend was quiet. I stayed in. My daughter went with her little boyfriend and his mother to a parade Sat night and to her friends Monday night for a little while to play. So I have had some time to just kick it around the house and chill.

Now comes the time when I have to figure out. WHAT IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO? I cant afford the house and yet I cant afford to move out either. I am behind on bills and cant save a dime due to the other household expenses. I dont know if LR is going to give me any money and here comes the holidays. Damn the stress is incredible. The not knowing. My aunt keeps after to just go rent a room somewhere. But I have a daughter and I dont want to move in with some strangers. Yes she did it but times I think were different then. I just dont know. I think by it will be months before I am foreclosed on so there is a part of me that says fuck it! ride is out and see what happens. At least the holidays will be passed us by then and my daughter will have normalcy for a little while. I think I need a counselor or advisor to steer me thru this.
My biggest fear is LR winding up in jail or dead somewhere and god damn I dont want that. He may be a big ass hole but I dont wish anything on him.

Please leave comments if you have any words of wisdom. I sure could use them.