I am about to vomit!

Yes I am ready to vomit. LR and the picture he is trying to paint is making me very ill. Anyhow he sends a text late yesterday afternoon in response to me calling him out that he blew off Saturday with our daughter. He says he didnt shaft her that the weather was to bad to take her fishing. So I shot back with well there is other stuff to do and at the very least you could have called. He said that he wanted to get our daughter for dinner then. Fast forward to me getting home....As soon as I walked in my daughter was ready and said LR was on his way. I walked her down to meet him when I heard him pull up because I was also leaving to run a errand. I asked him how long they would be etc. He replied that he was taking her back to his place for dinner. GREAT! so he doesnt see her for 7 weeks and is going to take her to meet the new girlfriend at his new place. Not "hay lets catch up alone somewhere and let me tell you what I have been doing" Nope just throw her right into it. Once she returned from dinner I had to hear about the plans for this weekend that the old hag discussed with her and how she got to see the bedroom they set up for her and how they are going bowling on Friday and to dinner at this new restaurant the hag wants to take LR and his mom, step-dad, sister and the rest of the family to on Sunday.

This is where I want to vomit. How can you in a month move in with this woman and pretend to play house with my child and now his family is also in on it. I mean is it just me or is this all wrong and way to fast???? I need to know if I am alone in all of this. Old hag I figured out is girl friend number 3 or 4 since Oct. 31 and today that makes 5 months, and he has already lived with her for just about a month. I want to start a bet on this relationship to see just how long this last.

This weekend for me I guess I need to start planning stuff to keep me busy because this is just going to disgust me.

Another douche move from LR

I realized I havent blogged since Thursday during the day so lets try to catch you up on the events.

On Thursday evening I had to go back to the old house (the one that is getting foreclosed on & were LR lives now 2 houses up with the old hag x neighbor) and get my mail. LR said I had stuff from social services etc. With great reluctance I had to go. LR knew I was coming so when I pulled up he was out by his Jeep looking like he was getting something so of course he saw me and walked down and followed me inside. Perfect I thought now we are alone and I can tell him about the divorce etc. I told him what the lawyer said and about how if he didnt contest we could be all done by end of summer. He said he wouldnt and also added "if this is really what you want..blah blah blah" also said he would always love me and how 90% of his life is gone now. What the fuck dude??? You cheated, did drugs, ruined my life, his life and his daughters and you want to question if this is really what I want. And hello if you truly love someone you wouldnt do the things you have to me over and over again. "hell yes" I told him I want this in a bad way. He also asked when he could start getting our daughter. So we went into a whole conversation about her and I explained as long as he called her and she wants to go and he can promise no drinking & driving or bullshit than I am ok with it. I figure she is old enough to call me if she sees anything she doesnt like. I had a conversation that she can call me and I will be right there to pick her up. I left there laughing at him because he followed me around the house and right out to my truck to tell me goodbye and that it was good seeing me. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. He is such a joke and I knew the girlfriend was watching us from the window so I waved.

So that evening he did call her and said he wants to see her Saturday and take her fishing and said he would call her Friday evening as well. Guess what we never heard from him. What a douche move right? So her and I just hung out all weekend and watched Twilight together and ran some errands it was really good mother daughter time. Its his loss. She is great.

I sent him a text message this morning telling him to never do that again and oh yea happy b-day asshole. Yes today is his birthday and I hope he gets the shits for his birthday. Fucking douche bag. The only thing I am grateful for is that my daughter is old enough to realize how he is treating her. I mean come on he hasnt spent any time with her since Feb 16th. He gets the dad of the year medal for sure. The part I hate the most is him telling me he misses her and cant wait to see her. Well then why in the hell dont you get her???? thats my question.

I just keep patting myself on the back for getting out of that mess of a relationship I was in for all those years. Yes its tough on my own and being a single parent with no support financially etc. but its so worth it not to have the drama anymore.

Heres to me...cheers

Could be a single woman this summer.

I went to see a lawyer yesterday after work for a consult. He was very informative advising me on the bankruptcy I want to file and divorce. I was advised that since LR is now living with a woman and if he doesnt contest the divorce this could all happen in 3 months time. WOW!!! I did send LR a text yesterday before my appointment and asked him if he would contest anything and he said "nope". I got the thinking how could he. First of all he is living with another woman and second what would his girlfriend say if he fought me for a divorce that I am paying for and trying to speed up. Of course she would give him a bunch of shit and he is dependant on her for a place to live right now. So I can really see this happening quickly. Walking out of that office I really could see my new life beginning. All the years of drinking, affairs and now drug abuse will all be in the past and I wont have to deal with him or his problems any longer. Its a relief and that is why I am keeping my fingers crossed that this goes through smoothly. This is going to be costly to file for both things but it will really be worth it. My step-mom has been my angel in waiting and she is going to be helping me with the funds.

Yesterday must have been my lucky day, actually ever since this weekend its been great. I havent been able to say that in a very long time. Anyway I won the weekly drawing at the bar for 151.00. Whoo hoo. Thats some cash in my pocket for the weekend. Who knows maybe P will call and ask for a date. That would be the cherry on top.


Its kinda nice seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that was dark and gloomy for so many years.

It's lawyer time. Ohhh yeah!

I have been trying for about a week now to get in touch with a lawyer. I wanted one that did both things divorce and bankruptcy. There isnt many that do both in my area. Finally one of the ones I was trying to call answered and low and behold they have a appointment for tomorrow for a consultation. Whoo hoo. Lets see how much this is gonna cost me. I am scared I will admit because I dont have any money but I think my step-mom may help with this. I have to run home and tally up my debt and get all my information together and questions I want to ask. Tomorrow should be interesting and informative. At least this will lead me in the right direction of what to do next. I hate to file for divorce but at this point in my life I have no choice. I cant pay rent and the normal funds it takes to raise a daughter on my own and pay my credit cards. Again I take a hit because I made a bad choice by trying to make things work with my low life of a husband. Ughh never again.

I never heard from P last night and I really didnt think I would. He and I are allot alike in the manner that we both are stubborn and probably are both waiting for the other to call. We also have allot of baggage with the X's and are cautious about getting in a relationship. The worst part is I like him. I will have to push this to the back of my head. Its hard because I will get to working and then he will just pop into my head. Something he said or did and then I just smile. Wonder if I will see him around this weekend? Who knows...push it away...push it away.

My daughter is happy. I hooked up the computer for her last night and its just in time because she advised me she has a paper do on Friday. Its working great and much faster than that old piece of shit we had. Thank goodness for friends.

D the guy up the street that I know likes me keeps on sending me texts trying to hint around as to why I wasnt around this weekend. I really need to set him straight to back off, if I havent shown any interest and turn him down all the time for the past 7 months you would have thought he would have gotten the hint. But apparently not. I told him I had other plans.

Ok - time to sign off allot to do so I can get ready for tomorrow.

Cheers

Biker Boys -OMG What A Weekend

What a crazy fucking weekend. It was fun less the blow up with LR but I will explain more about that later. On Friday my daughter went with LR's aunt so I headed next door to my normal hang out under the impression that "ok just a couple" because I had to work Saturday morning. I also was a mess to look at because I knew I would be out of there early before the big crowd came. That was the plan

As soon as I walk in the normal happy hour locals are there and I say hello and sit down. When I looked to right down the bar sat this guy "P" as I am going to call him and his buddies. I met P at the Nascar Daytona party in January. Yes he is the scary biker that most would run from because of the tattoos and the biker get up. But I grew up with this and loved his smile and assholeness if that makes since. Yes I like the bad boys. But he just puts on that front but I know better because we talked alone at the party and his boys werent there. I got word the week after Nascar that he came in asked my friend about me and could he get my number. She eventually gave it to him after asking me. I was like what the hell. But he never called and I didnt see him again until this weekend. So I saw him down there and I didnt say hi. I dont do things like that if he is interested he will come to me. I was gabbing to my friend for a little over a hour I could see him starring and eventually I guess after beer courage he sent a drink over with a message saying I was a snob. So I one upped him and sent him a shot with a F you message because I knew in front of his boys and the bad ass attitude he was throwing I would win. And I did. He asked me to go to another bar with all of the them to hear a band. You know me...I did. That was a 3:30 in the morning return home. I met up with them again Saturday night and had a blast. Not sure what will become of all of this. But it was a great time. They also belong to a very big bike club and I know as soon as LR hears I went out with this guy all holy hell will raise. But Fuck him I had a good time. Worse thing is I think I like this guy allot but the family will hate him because they will just hear the club he belongs to and the tattoos etc. What do I do?

The blow up with LR was me telling him exactly how I feel. That he sucks as a father etc. I mean yelling it etc. He doesnt care I passed him on the road on Saturday after that and he turned around in the middle of the road to talk to me and saw I had beer in the back of the truck and asked for one and then told me I look good and was trying to be all charming. What the hell is wrong with him? I told him to get in front of the truck so I could run his ass over. He just laughed at me. I hate him so much.

At least I had a good weekend. Hope to have another one just like it.

The weeks End

This week has just been a little hectic. At work we are extremely busy and not enough help. Due to the economy they will not hire anyone else. So its put out more work and kill yourself. Oh and no raises this year. Yes I am very grateful to have a employment but on the other hand I am tired and wore out for this job. I also have to work tomorrow for OT. I do need the money. Especially since I got screwed by a so called friend. On Wednesday evening I went to the old house so my friend could get the washer/dryer and went to her house and chatted and helped set it all up. When it was time to leave and I asked for the money the bitch actually said "oh Mike has my checkbook" Why would her x-boyfriend have that? Then she said she would stop by last night with the money. Yea I sent her a text asking what time she would be by and she ignored my text and email. So I guess I am out of that money. You guessed it I got screwed, not to happy either.

I also have not heard from LR he was suppose to have his half of the car insurance. I am so tired of being screwed over by people. All I try to do is the right thing and I seem to be just getting run over by everyone. I also told LR on Monday that I really wanted to talk to him and settle some things that I had mentioned in my previous post. Nope he never called or anything. Its not like he is fucking working or busy.

The "OLD HAG" also approached my friend D on Wednesday when he helped my friend and I with the washer/dryer she asked him what he was doing helping me and then told him about some of the comments I made about her to LR. It's nice he tells her what I say about her. I find that funny as shit. Bring it on old bitch.... My friend who also got the washer/dryer use to be a pot head and pill popper before she settled down 3 years ago with her daughter. She informed me she use to get drugs from the old hag and knows she still uses. That was very helpful info for me. Just another reason why I need to get a hold of LR and inform him that hell no just leave me and my daughter alone and dont screw up things with her.

This weekend my daughter is going with LR's one aunt that I like and I think I am just going to chill out tonight and then go to a bonanza tomorrow night. All close to home and hopefully NO drama will find me. I can hope right?

Cheers!

The dickhead move

For some f'd up reason LR seems to be calling more now and I am really confused. He has moved in the with "old hag" and he calls more now then when he was just living with his druggie aunt. I cant figure it out. He isnt calling his daughter only me. For stupid fucking reasons. Yesterday I had the day off and he calls and said he saw my truck and knew I wasnt at work and wanted to know if everything was ok. What the fuck??? Thats why I didnt want him living anywhere around me. Dont call me asshat. I just simply told him yes and didnt offer up any explanation for me being off. I dont think he liked that but screw him. I did tell him that when he had some spare time I really wanted to talk to him. I want to know what he plans on telling our daughter about him moving in with our old neighbor and whats he going to do when she starts to get made comments to from the mean boys in the neighbor about her father shacking up with the old bitch. I am really concerned about her and how this is going to screw with her head. She is amazingly well and I dont want this to mess her up.

Yesterday I waited on the cable guy and went to the Laundromat. Man I forgot how many strange ones go there. This old woman started telling me her whole life story and how her kids are all messed up and how her daughter sleeps around and son uses drugs. I never even said hello to her and she just comes over while I am folding clothes and starts in. I swear if I start to go psycho someone please put me out of my misery. I was thankful she came in as the clothes were drying and almost done.

Today is beautiful and I cant wait to go outside and walk around. My daughter got me into the Twilight books and now I have to get book 2 I finished the first one last night and I am hooked. I thought it was going to be stupid and I was wrong. So we may park a little further away in town and walk to the bookstore and hit some of the little shops since its so nice.

Cheers!