Realization

The title of the post is realization because I am finding more and more that my husbands family will state to me that he really needs to quit drinking and will say " I don't know how you deal with this" and state scary things that I already am aware of. Things like he is going to kill someone or him self and he is going to wind up in jail, again. I know all of these things and don't get me wrong I have my moments were I party it up to much. But not to the extreme and frequency that he does. The realization part is that they really are not here to help the problem. They say it but yet they are the ones doing the partying and supplying the booze. For example it was my daughters b-day yesterday and what does his mother do but stop by with a 18 pack of beer. And fathers day she bought him a case. His Dad before he moved was his number one drinking buddy. His sister has been the one over the past couple months of Sundays who supplied him with the beer and drank with him. So what am I to do? I feel like I am fighting this war all alone.

I have this fairy tale that this will all end and we will have this perfect marriage were he will want to do normal things with us that does not include drinking. I am taking my daughter and a couple of her friends out to lunch and to paint pottery this Saturday and I know he will not come. Why because its not a bar and he cant drink. His philosophy is he works hard all week and weekend is for play.

I realize I am bitching allot and I need to look for things to be grateful for and that things could always be worse. But man between our money situation, the over time I am trying to put in and the bill collectors calling and the drinking and accusations that come from him while he is drinking its becoming to be allot on my shoulders I am stressed out. I am trying to keep in under wraps and still not lose it. I feel like I am in a play and I am trying to make it perfect when the set is made out of cheap materials that are going to break and fall at any minute.

I also realize that I come from a very dysfunctional family myself and I now know why I have married into this one. Because I didn't know any different. The older I become the more I understand this is all wrong. I will have to save that story for tomorrows blog maybe then you will understand more why I am afraid of falling apart.

Till tomorrow!!